A Modern Deal With The Devil
By Joshen Reborn
INT. LIVINGROOM - DAY
Joshen is seen wearing a wig. There are 3 lights on
facing him. He takes a breath and turns on a camera
directly facing him.
JOSHEN
This has been moments of wisdom
with aunty mama. Don't forget to
show mama some love! Leave a
comment, and please subscribe.
Please. Anyone, subscribe. I'm
begging just give me a chance, and
subscribe.
Joshen hangs his head and throw his wig to the ground. He
cuts the camera off
JOSHEN (CONT'D)
I don't even know why I'm still
trying.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK - DAY
Vdeovxn is sitting on a park bench dropping bread crumbs
onto the ground.
JOSHEN
I think I'm gonna quit
VDEOVXN
We're having that talk again?
JOSHEN
Dude it's been two years, and we
haven't accomplished shit. If
anything, we're less known today
than ever before.
VDEOVXN
Look you can be all
IhaveNoSubs.Com if you want, but
you really need to be on your
GrustleHarderThanBefore.Org
JOSHEN
Why are you doing that?
VDEOVXN
Why am I LayingKnowledgeOnYou.edu?
JOSHEN
No, why are you saying things in
URL form? Please stop.
VDEOVXN
You need to Bit.ly/GetWithIt. I'm
tired of hearing you complain.
Look you got two choices you could
keep hustling, and pray things get
better, or you could sell your
soul for a million subs now,
because neither will work. You
need to just
ManUpAndKeepMakingVideos.gov.
JOSHEN
Alright.
VDEOVXN
Want to drop bread on the floor?
JOSHEN
But there aren't any pigeons.
VDEOVXN
Pigeons are a state of mind.
JOSHEN
What?
VDEOVXN
Exactly.
FADE TO:
INT. LIVINGROOM - DAY
Joshen sits down to his open laptop. He Googles.
JOSHEN
Does prayer work?
The most popular Yahoo answer pops up as no. He then
Googles.
JOSHEN (CONT'D)
How to sell your soul?
Satan.com Pops up as the first result. Satan.com asks to
authenticate via Facebook, or Twitter.
JOSHEN (CONT'D)
Please read the terms of agreement
(9000 pages long). Allow Satan.com
to claim your immortal soul, post
to your wall, and share updates
with your friends. (Joshen clicks
authorize) Please make your
request in detail.
Joshen types I want to be most subscribed on YouTube. He hits
submit. A pop up prompt says Congratulations you are number
one on Youtube.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Joshen heads to bed. He closes his eye's but cannot
fall asleep. He notices a demonic version of himself
huddled in the corner staring at him. Morning comes with
Joshen clutching on the bed sheets. He looks into the
corner, and the demon is gone.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVINGROOM - DAY
Joshen opens his laptop, and checks YouTube.
JOSHEN
I've got no fucking views this is
bullshit.
He heads to the Satan.com's Facebook App.
SATAN.COM
You only have one soul to sell, if
you have questions or comments
please call this toll free number.
Joshen opens his cellphone, and dials
SATAN.COM (CONT'D)
You have reached satan.com no
matter what language you speak
please hold.
Joshen is seen holding for a long time
JOSHEN
This holding is hell.
SATAN.COM
Thank you for holding, please
prepare to hold.
JOSHEN
Oh my g..
LILITH
Thank you for calling Satan.com,
Lilith speaking, please watch your
language.
JOSHEN
Hello Lilith, I sold my soul
yesterday to be most subscribed on
YouTube, and I seem to have lost
my ability to sleep, and there's a
demon that looks like me in my
bedroom for most of the night, but
the real problem is my videos
aren't getting any views.
LILITH
No problem Mr. Reborn, I'll be
glad to assist you with all your
contractual needs. Did you read
the terms of agreement before
clicking authorize?
JOSHEN
No.
LILITH
Well it's clearly stated in
paragraph four of subsection 8952
that the lack of a soul will
result in the inability to sleep,
mild depression, callousness
towards people, and animals, as
well as having to deal with the
demonic projection of your soul
from midnight to about dawn until
you die, and make your way to hell
where all kinds of unspeakable
torture can begin.
JOSHEN
Well that doesn't explain why I'm
not getting views. I'm supposed to
be rich, famous, I'm number one on
YouTube.
LILITH
Mr. Reborn you were asked to put
what you wanted for your soul down
in detail, and all you wrote was I
want to be number one on Youtube.
Satan.com is not liable to provide
anything for said soul that is not
requested upon authorization of
the app. Is there anything else I
can help you with?
JOSHEN
Well can I have my soul back?
LILITH
Sure.
JOSHEN
Really?
LILITH
No, thank you for calling
Satan.com, We will be seeing you
in exactly five years.
JOSHEN
What?
LILITH
Have a nice day!
Lilith hangs up the phone.
JOSHEN
(Screams)Fuuuuuuuuuuuu
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Joshen wakes up in his bedroom
JOSHEN
Oh my god it was all a dream.
Demon Joshen approaches
DEMON JOSHEN
You can't sleep, you can't dream!
Joshen screams
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK - DAY
Joshen wakes up on the bench
JOSHEN
Oh shit, it's like inception I was
dreaming.
Demon Joshen Next to him on the bench
DEMON JOSHEN
You can't sleep, you can't dream!
Joshen screams.
FADE TO BLACK.
Feature Script
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