Abstract Dreams

I spend so much of my time thinking, planning, organizing, that I often scrap a plan before it reaches any type of fruition. I wrote yesterday about my feverish thought's and how insane they were, but really they weren't crazy they were genius. They are abstract thoughts, hard to understand but extremely beautiful. I feel like it's the abstract thinkers that innovate and advance life for the rest of us. Think about it, Nikola Tesla is one of the greatest scientific minds of all time, and his theories were scoffed at, they called him a quack. Why is Tesla  crazy? because he dares to dream?

I spent so much time asleep, I need to wake up and start dreaming.

I understand now that I reached a plateau in life, I finally crawled up out of obscurity and recognize my place in society. I made so many mistakes, in my thinking, the structure was all wrong. I been following a blueprint, unnecessarily chasing paper, because of my own ignorance, but I may kick myself later, but there are somethings more important than money in this world, it's hard to recognize this fact when you don't have any money. The most important thing, I can do for myself is to stop thinking in a linear fashion. It seems that being a bit abstract may allow certain freedoms in life that I didn't even know I was missing

I feel like I am too focused in my pursuit of material wealth, I almost feel like my own raw ambition my be corrupting me. I am afraid, afraid that I am a force too powerful to contain, too powerful to be in my own possession. I want so desperately to have freedom, but it eludes me. I am a slave to the pay check, I am a slave to the education system, a slave to rent, a slave to poverty, a slave to life, and every breath I take is used in plotting my escape. It seems like the root of the matter is freedom, and my lack thereof.

I feel that I rely heavily on guidelines. Not because I'm a stickler for rules and such, but because I am so conditioned to what we accept to be the natural order. I am stuck on the beginning middle end structure of things, I use it in my writing and it creeps it's ugly head into my life. Before I start working on anything I look to see how will this end? Then I eek out and get started on the beginning and I let the middle flush itself out. This is all well in good for story telling but, for my day to day living I wouldn't mind something a bit more abstract.

I received a hurtful message in my Facebook honesty box once

At first I was insulted by it, because I knew it had a hint of truth, I dreamt so big back then, I felt I could own a star, rule my own planet, I thought one day I would be a world renowned writer. now I know, the one thing I shouldn't do is stop dreaming, no matter what society says.

Cheers and non conformist teddy bears!