The ideas just keep coming

So as always I have to start with the apology. Granted that I know an apology is no way to start anything but, I have to apologize for my lack of blogging. I always feel like the only person I hurt while I am not blogging is myself. I have to say that I have been quite busy though. I am writing articles that are appearing on someone Else's blogger. I am working on three screenplays and I feel like I haven't started one. It's a weird thing when you type your hands out and it feels like you haven't amounted to a single word on paper. I want to take this time to say that, in my professional opinion, I am bat shit crazy. I feel like I spend all my time thinking, plotting contemplating, and now it's really consuming me. It's one thing to escape the woes of the day, it's another when you have to escape your own thoughts.

With all that thinking, I came to a very shocking conclusion. I am not the only person relying on me. I took a tally of the people that truly are in need of my help. People I know, peoples lives who can be dramatically improved if I could just finally get my act together. You never really know how many people are relying on you, until you stop thinking about yourself. I want my act to be together so I decided to start from scratch. I am finally going to forgive myself for all the things that I cant seem to forget. I know I am not being very specific but it seems that I've generated a leadership of people that really shouldn't read my blog. Personal thoughts that could hurt those that were never meant to know them. I may have to resort to good old fashion pen and pad.

I love that fact that I can type tactile. It saves me so much time. I also get to rest my eyes ever so often. I could have really used this skill while I was still in school but I guess there is no time like the present to make stuff happen. Which is the concept I want to unify my thoughts. The importance of action. Carpe diem and all that other motivational speak that amounts to seizing the day and making things actually happen. I am starting to think about character a bit differently. It's no longer what people say it's what they do, and not just what they do but how they do it. Action is character and character is simply the sum total of all action. Even the random actions speak to character. I think that I am not to pleased with the sum total of all my actions, yet I also realize they are me. I did them and I would probably do them again because that is who I am. I act and at times I regret, I make the same mistakes expecting different outcomes because one variable has changed. The variable I'm speaking about is time, I tried this one time, and maybe this "time" it will be different. It's never any different, but I hope that it will be.

I also need to stop banking on the lottery. I am lucky enough to find random dollar bills to play the lottery over and over. I never win but something about the hope it brings me is almost necessary. I can see how people get sucked into being addicted to gambling. I don't get a thrill from playing, but I just cant help but feel that if I keep playing I just may win, and if I win everything will be different - better. I am going to use my blogger. I am going to one day sit down and chart a map of my life. Where I have been and where I am going.
As always I want to say that I love you. You nameless faceless reader that justify my actions. You give my words purpose and thus you give me purpose. I today am a writer. I embrace my destiny, I embrace my flaws, I accept my thoughts, I regret it all and yet want to change nothing. I want to go to jail and get out free. I write for the fame, I write for the gold, I write for the glory. A sucker for lust. A fool that should never fall in love. I am going to break hearts, and the bank and at the end of the day all I will have is you.

Stay with me, lets grow old together, or not we can create a timeless bond. We can be more than ourselves, reader and writer. Doesn't it sound just swell.