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So my Halloween was.............Awesome

I didn't go trick or treating. I didn't have a costume. I didn't lime with all my friends (Lime being Trinidadian vernacular for hang out). I didn't party. I didn't do any of things one expects to do on this day that makes for traditional fun. So I bet by now you are wondering what I did do.

What I did do was get some work done. I did a day gig from noon to about five at $15/hr for a grand total of 80 bucks. I really just felt a surge of joy and pride for earning a fair day's pay, for more than a fair day's work. I also took the time to write episode 2 and 3 of my thirteen episode season 1 sitcom. I will look into starting the production process when I complete episode 5 or 6, but for now I am very pleased with my own work. If I don't toot my own horn, who will?

In other news I also made the executive decision to leave my shameless paypal link at the bottom of my page up until N900 gate 2009-2010 is completed.  Even after I may leave that paypal link there. I promised I wouldn't rant about it anymore so now I am plugging it. We all should buy a N900 or at least a N97, the Iphone era is over.

I really feel like I am chasing my passion and that is good. What is bad is that I feel that old sting of failure more severely each day. I know the term starving artist is used loosely but I may end up a starving homeless destitute artist, and that es no bueno.

I also want to give a blog plug to a fellow writer, I know her as The New Jack. Her blog turned 2 today (Link included New Jack ) and if you are brave enough to read through her archives you will see the growth of a larger than life character. One who is multidimensional and real. I see her and an archetype for what a heroine should be immediately pops into my head. If I said that any of my more serious characters didn't have bits and pieces of her online personality I would be lying. Creepy, yes, I know, but I write about everyone I know. I'M A WRITER, I WRITE ABOUT WHAT I KNOW.

Last but not least I would like to say, that everyday the relationship between me and my mother becomes more complex and confusing. I just can't figure out our real issue.

Thought of the day, fuck thought of the week: When your finished asking why me and wallowing in sadness, you rarely receive an answer. So why keep asking that question? Insanity is repeating the same action but expecting a different outcome. Avoid insanity and ask many different question seeking the same answer.

Here is the business for today

     In my quest to procure that elusive Nokia device, the N900, I may have lost my way. I quite frankly have been doing college assignments for other students for pay. I sunk to cheat for pay, which is an exponential amount of rungs above gay for pay. Still cheating for pay is pretty bad. I started writing a new season of my sitcom like show, which I will air on none other than Youtube. I am really excited about it because it really is just fun to write silly things sometimes. Coming back to my obsessive focus on the N900 phone of 1000 glories, I am in essence selling my mind. I could be selling my body but I much rather the cheat for pay circumstances. So it's shameless but I am determined to sink to almost (keyword) any low for my N900. I call it

N900 Gate 2009.

Notice the colorful graphic. It's the best I could come up with on such short funds. Anywho if you scroll to the bottom of the page you will also see that I shamelessly added a paypal donate button. Now I know my blog has been known to have a level of professionalism, that all of my one reader has come to know and love, but in my endless and infinite wisdom, I choose to compromise that for the N900. I don't know why I love that phone so much; I just do. I promise this will be my last rant on it until I acquire it. I will be off doing more creative, constructive, and lucrative, things soon!

My thought of the day. We often strive against ourselves. Why fear a state of non-doing if it is simply preparation for action. Potential energy is just as important as kinetic. Working with the flow, and knowing when to go against the grain is the true mark of maturity.

Cool new things

     I have stepped my processing and operating game up to Windows 7 and I must say that I am impressed. It is eating up far less resources than Vista did on my Vaio, the result my laptop feels faster. I also want to report that I just saw my first ad for DJ Hero a new promising looking game in the Guitar Hero franchise. Replace the guitar with turntables and replace the rock classics with hip hop and pop, and you have the making of another fun beat based game.

Short post for today, looking to get into something a tad more lucrative and delicious.

Thought for today: Grand dreams, require equal amount of grand action. Action is the catalyst in the transformation from fantasy to reality

The N900 Makes Me Drool

     Ok so once again I have gone into full on obsession mode over what has to be the most powerful mobile device since, the N97. The N900 makes the N97 look like a chump cry baby. The processing power, the Mameo system, the enhanced internet browsing and the support of T-mobile 3g is enough to make me go crazy. I am going right into how can I afford this mode as I contemplate parting with a kidney and a lung in exchange for all that technological goodness. It is a reminder of what life should be but it's not. The worst part has to be the longing for the things that I can not have. In the event that I can not afford this marvel on it's release I vow to find a way to purchase it by black Friday.

Not only will I own this piece of technology but I want to be able to buy it 3 times over so now I have to find a way to bank 1200 and have a leftover 650 just in case I decide to cut the middle man and head right to the Nokia store in Manhattan. I promise this is the last time your going to see me gush on my blog. I still want to use this space to do something important.

On the downside, I have been communicating with a few different people trying to solidify my freelance writing/entrepreneurial career. Scheduled a meeting for today and the guy flaked. I will just continue to try and realize my dreams through the path of the pen.

Joshen words to the un-wise, Believe achieve succeed. Mantra from 90's

Living is half the battle, the other half is home ownership

     I am really mulling over if I should compile the stories and experiences of homeless New Yorkers. I was locked out last night, in what I consider freezing weather and it had to be one of the top 10 worst things to ever happen to me. When we speak about the homeless we commit a fatal mistake, that we are bound to repeat because it seems we just don't learn. It is true the state of a person without a home is that they are "homeless". The mistake we make is that we take the ward homeless and turn it into an umbrella term like any other negative epithet. We now consider homeless to mean dirty, scary, worthless, crazy, psychotic, evil, animals, anything but a decent human being. We label these people strip them of their humanity so that it becomes easier to ignore them, to step over them, to get upset at them because they exist and now they are inhabiting the same space as you!

I saw something very ignorant on TV that I feel is noteworthy, because it was so ignorant. Jeff Lewis on flipping out confess that he has an irrational fear of the homeless, but mixed with his reaction to being in a poor neighborhood I think he just has an aversion to poverty. What explanation could you possibly give to be afraid of all homeless people, and then . Like Chappelle said we watch people treat Oscar the grouch terribly for years and wonder why our children walk over the homeless "Get a job grouch" 

My night in the street last night was not my first night, but hopefully it will be my last. I have now fully committed to doing my piece with the homeless. I will speak to and find the stories, that are hardly heard. I'll do what I can when I can to positively impact the lives of these people, but for sure I know I can provide a voice and presence for the people.

In other news, I am really starting to feel more fulfilled as a writer. What a difference action makes. I also have a new interest in telepathy and animal crossing, I know its a weird mix but hopefully I'll get both when "Men Who Stare at Goats" debuts in a city near me. I also have to say that I saw paranormal activity and it fell below the hype generated on my Richter scale, but still I enjoyed it. It felt like I could have made that movie, and seeing it on the screen just rejuvenated my faith in the ability to penetrate into the industry.

Coming back full circle, I vow here and now that I will use my words, my writing and my mind, so that I never have to end up in the street, in the cold, ever again. I am limited to my ambition by my ambition.

Cheers and Jeers!

Update To 6yr old in Balloon

I have actually seen the Heene family on wifeswap, I saw that airing on television now it may seem and hopefully that this was a sensationalism stunt. The boy may have never actually been in the balloon. The story thickens and my career as a breaking news journalist is coming to a close. Will we find Balloon Boy? The coverage of the Balloon has been pretty constant and I did not see the chamber open. The authorities on the ground don't seem to be in any big rush, so maybe the Heene family already reported to Colorado authority that the boy is safe.

We all watched as the authorities secured an empty balloon and now we all wait.

We need to find the lost Falcon!


As of 6:32 here at the Joshen newsroom we have received word that Falcon was found in his parents attic hiding in a box. Leads me to wonder why the little boy did this? I must say that if this was 15 min of fame for the Heene family, it was a terrible 15 min to put the world through.

Now don't get me wrong I am happy that little falcon has been found, I am very upset that I thought for hours that something terrible occurred to him in the first place. Enough of me playing anchorman about to switch back to my screenwriter self. I also think I am going to use my blog to now chronicle not only my life and my journey as a screenwriter, but to chronicle my interactions with the world. I know not a very focused niche but I have direction I am going to make the necessary moves to find actual fulfillment

Breaking news

Ok so we have all been watching the 6yr old who apparently floated away in the balloon. The balloon has landed about 5 min now and it landed really gently. I want to give Kudos to the track star rescuer in the what seems to be purple pink shirt khaki pants, who is just really running at the balloon to catch it as it comes down. What is scary is that they still have yet to open the balloon and retrieve the boy. It seems that the boy is not in the balloon. I am seeing now that the boy is not in the balloon.

The balloon landed so gently only for us to now speculate that the boy has fallen out of the balloon. The channel 11 news in NYC is still following the story as is everyone in the world

The balloon came down, as gentle as a feather only to create a new mystery. The reported name of the boy is Falcon. Apparently he comes from a family who deal heavily with "weather chasing" The balloon itself came down as it was designed to. The outer ring deflated and the inner ring brought it down slowly. I am hoping that the child was actually never on board the balloon. The worst case scenario would be if the boy has indeed fallen out. I will break the news as the news is broken to me!

Damn tell the the truth, or not. Why not Invent a lie?

So I over heard a conversation happening in my immediate vicinity earlier and it sparked the hamster in my head to jump off it's fat lazy ass and get running on it's wheel. The conversation was about a girl who lied and claimed that her mother had died, so that she could garner enough sympathy to have her tuition deferred by her college's bursar. Now this mystery girl was a special type of liar. She had to be a pathological liar because the lie she told may have been out of financial necessity but it didn't stop there. Those who knew this mystery girl quickly discovered that they in fact did not know her. She had concocted a very elaborate background story, which they later discovered was a mesh of each of their individual pasts. The big question is why did she do it? Besides the money as far as we can tell she did it for shits and giggles. She just loves to lie.

Now I thought to myself she must be a pretty low person. I took a moral high ground on this one based on the nature of her first lie. "My mother just died" is a pretty brazen and cold thing to lie about regardless of the condition. Gave a snap judgement based on what I heard and I was almost immeadiatly against it. It was easy to look down on her she was a liar. Now this is where the post takes a twist. I found myself lying, for no good reason, this afternoon.

Ladies and gentlemen, I lied today. I lied, because I felt that the truth was not interesting enough. I stepped into the bank to deposit a check today and the female teller began to make small talk. We smiled and asked each other about our day during the transaction, when I was asked "Where are you coming from? Work? Now I have never lied about my employment status prior to this occasion, but this time I just felt that the truth "I am looking for work actually" just didn't compare to the lie that I almost instantly spat out. I opened my mouth and this is what came out "Yeah, I work in the Bronx, helping people with Cerebral Palsy learn the skills they need to deal with daily life." I actually amazed myself when the last word in this sentence left my lips. We shared in a that's such a rewarding career moment and said our goodbyes.

We do things at times, with no rhyme or reason. It's easy to lump them into the good or bad category, but we tend to overlook the third neutral amoral category. The category where things aren't done to aid or harm, they are just done. No consequence, no repercussions, no backlash, just action and completion. I must say though, there is a feeling that lying creates in the pit of my stomach that I just cant shake. I think that feeling gets translated in my eyes. Like the person can see in my eyes that I just told a lie, kinda sad that I am that transparent. I am not satisfied that I am not a proficient liar, go figure.

I lied for absolutely no reason at all. Does that make me a liar? I think so. It does however tie back into my movie theme, The Invention of Lying was a great movie that proved that absolutely nothing bad can happen when you execute a perfect lie. The perfect lie being the one that you don't get caught in. Sadly in our reality perfect lies are few and far in between and the truth seems to have a tendency to creep up on you when you least expect it.

Lets take it back to the roots

I saw the 9:55 pm airing of Good Hair last night and I must say that I enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Chris Rock took a very serious matter educated me and made me laugh. At the end of the movie I remember saying how glad I was to be a man. It takes me 20-30 minutes to get my haircut and I don't have to subject myself to horrible chemical burns. I don't want to be one of those douches that blogs and spoils the whole movie for the people that have not seen the movie but want to. I will however say that I recognize now that weaves and perms are serious business, expensive business, a global business.

I wasn't surprised to find out that black was profiting anyone but black people. It is intense to see that the people in the black hair business are anything but black. The majority of companies making profit on Black hair are white and asian owned. It was a movie I would like the entire community to see, sadly I know it wont change much. We should really try and remember that "Whats on top of your head is not as important as what's inside your head" - Chris Rock.

So thus far I prove that I am current on my movies. I also choose to somehow integrate strangers into my profile. I am going to talk to more strangers and hopefully get them to take pictures with me that will be the core focus of my upcoming weekly special. I think it's going to be titled "Hunting for change and treasure". Hopefully someone will have a few nuggets of gold to share with me.

Also I had something on my mind that I think I need to share. Tyra Banks I like you, I respect you and Bankable, but honestly I think I am tired of you. Let me tell you why. There is an air of ego centrism radiating from you that I think people falsely chalk up to confidence. I guess that's what happens when you start to develop an Empire State of Mind.

On a sad note, I didn't get the job with Grammy award winning Peter Buchanan-Smith. One door closing hopefully another will open. I am seriously back in the hunt trying to stay in the race.

Under Construction

I came up with a few structural changes I am going to make with my blog. I never change the layout or mess around with fony because I like the feel of having a very basic page. On the other hand I need to stop being a weekend warrior blogger. I need something that I can atleast blog about on a weekly basis that will satisfy both me and my one reader.

So now that I announced there are going to be some changes around here, I also want to announce I dont know exactly what those changes are going to be. I want to tell you about my movie experience last night. I went to see The Invention of Lying, I must say that it was a wonderful movie a rare gem if I ever saw one. The concept about alternate worlds facinate me. The story was solid and the writing was intelligent, watching and listening to the movie made it seem like it would be a good read. The first act and the third act were solid but the middle act dragged which I suppose it was supposed to. I also thought that the character development and changes were very spot on. It was another peice of fiction, that I feel on any given day if the conditions were right it would be real. All in all, it was also really fucking funny.

On the gaming scene, I recently procured Lego Batman. I love this game, it seems that putting things in lego form just makes it so silly and fun. This isn't your total non stop violence batman, in fact he isn't scary at all, he is super cute. I do recommend this game for adults as well as children, it's just appropriate for all ages. I can't wait to play Lego saw or lego nightmare on elm street.

Lets just count this blog as a wasted post. Nothing really on my mind. Just feeling a tad more focused than usual. I never knew, how many people rely on me, until I stopped thinking of myself, but thats a thought for another post.

Cheers and Jeers free round of Beers!

The ideas just keep coming

So as always I have to start with the apology. Granted that I know an apology is no way to start anything but, I have to apologize for my lack of blogging. I always feel like the only person I hurt while I am not blogging is myself. I have to say that I have been quite busy though. I am writing articles that are appearing on someone Else's blogger. I am working on three screenplays and I feel like I haven't started one. It's a weird thing when you type your hands out and it feels like you haven't amounted to a single word on paper. I want to take this time to say that, in my professional opinion, I am bat shit crazy. I feel like I spend all my time thinking, plotting contemplating, and now it's really consuming me. It's one thing to escape the woes of the day, it's another when you have to escape your own thoughts.

With all that thinking, I came to a very shocking conclusion. I am not the only person relying on me. I took a tally of the people that truly are in need of my help. People I know, peoples lives who can be dramatically improved if I could just finally get my act together. You never really know how many people are relying on you, until you stop thinking about yourself. I want my act to be together so I decided to start from scratch. I am finally going to forgive myself for all the things that I cant seem to forget. I know I am not being very specific but it seems that I've generated a leadership of people that really shouldn't read my blog. Personal thoughts that could hurt those that were never meant to know them. I may have to resort to good old fashion pen and pad.

I love that fact that I can type tactile. It saves me so much time. I also get to rest my eyes ever so often. I could have really used this skill while I was still in school but I guess there is no time like the present to make stuff happen. Which is the concept I want to unify my thoughts. The importance of action. Carpe diem and all that other motivational speak that amounts to seizing the day and making things actually happen. I am starting to think about character a bit differently. It's no longer what people say it's what they do, and not just what they do but how they do it. Action is character and character is simply the sum total of all action. Even the random actions speak to character. I think that I am not to pleased with the sum total of all my actions, yet I also realize they are me. I did them and I would probably do them again because that is who I am. I act and at times I regret, I make the same mistakes expecting different outcomes because one variable has changed. The variable I'm speaking about is time, I tried this one time, and maybe this "time" it will be different. It's never any different, but I hope that it will be.

I also need to stop banking on the lottery. I am lucky enough to find random dollar bills to play the lottery over and over. I never win but something about the hope it brings me is almost necessary. I can see how people get sucked into being addicted to gambling. I don't get a thrill from playing, but I just cant help but feel that if I keep playing I just may win, and if I win everything will be different - better. I am going to use my blogger. I am going to one day sit down and chart a map of my life. Where I have been and where I am going.
As always I want to say that I love you. You nameless faceless reader that justify my actions. You give my words purpose and thus you give me purpose. I today am a writer. I embrace my destiny, I embrace my flaws, I accept my thoughts, I regret it all and yet want to change nothing. I want to go to jail and get out free. I write for the fame, I write for the gold, I write for the glory. A sucker for lust. A fool that should never fall in love. I am going to break hearts, and the bank and at the end of the day all I will have is you.

Stay with me, lets grow old together, or not we can create a timeless bond. We can be more than ourselves, reader and writer. Doesn't it sound just swell.
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