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Close the curtains.

I was reading some of my old work and I was blown away by the quality of my own notes. After the initial celebration of my own genius, I was thoroughly disgusted by the bullshit I have been currently churning out. I feel like scrapping a few different projects because I really feel like I am producing sub standard non-sense. I will grace you however with a few of my finer older works. I have a few Joshen-isms that I came up with back in the day, that I am quite proud of . Lets take a trip down my memory lane, keep your hands and feet within my creative spectrum at all times.

  • The only regret I have about my insanity, is not doing it sooner!
  • When I sit before a blank page, it usually stays that way. If I really want to write a good story, the last thing I want to do is try and write
  • I am genuinely a lonely soul, are you the type of person that prey's on the lonely?
  • The socially awkward are the best people to study. Normal is boring; tragedy is entertainment
  • In my mind I see the ends. I never picture myself working hard or patiently waiting. All my minds eye shows me is to how to enjoy life, all I see is how to sip drinks, how to drive fast cars, and relax. I spent enough time positively visualizing that I should be a master of the luxurious arts. I turned those wants into a need. I lusted for leisure for so long that each breath I inhale is le petite mort. The haze of life is nothing without the mist of lust. 

This along with other classic penned items can be found within my old notebooks. I even found some old pieces of dialogue just floating around that I wouldn't mind incorporating in my current projects. Long story short, I astounded myself, I am not sure if that makes me self absorbed. I am closing the final curtain on a particular chapter of my life, and opening it on another. but thats no big deal.

Lets let the good times roll!

Someday at Christmas!

It's the Christmas season again and many of you dont know this but this is my most favorite time of year. Not because I got a lot of presents (I virtually got close to 0 many years) or because I love snow or anything. Quite frankly I spent many a Christmas season on what would have been my death bed in the hospital. It was like clockwork I always end up having pnemonia and like a terrible asthma attack some time in december where I then take up residence at my second home Kings County Hospital and begin to celebrate with the nurses and doctors poking proding and healing me for the new year. 

Tis the season..........Usually I care about digital rights and trying to only share my own original stuff and blah, blah, blah, I love this song. If they ask me to take it down I will, but considering that only about 5 people visit each day, and my 3 friends visiting from Saudi Arabia, I feel like I will get away with it.

I just love what Christmas stand for to me. Since I survived every Christmas to this day (Knock on wood) it became a symbol of hope for me. Thats why I end up listening to songs like someday at Christmas. That song always fills my heart with that warm feeling. It reminds me that no matter how stone cold my exterior becomes that I have to save space inside myself to care for my fellow man. I still believe that some day at "Christmas there will be no more war, when people learn what Christmas is for" 

I wake up every morning feeling like I am meant for something greater than what I am currently doing, and I remind myself that once I attained this greatness that I need to give back to those that were in my very same position. It's easy to forget about the less fortunate when you are no longer one of them, but once I can, I will try and make a difference in as many lives as I possibly can. I really don't have any funny or interesting stories to regale you with and for this I apologize. On the upside I am as busy as ever. I found a ton of royalty free music that I will be using in my series, if you can find it free and use it why not.

Thought of the day: Enjoy your times of turmoil, if you make it through you will realize that those days are the ones that lead to your day of glory. During your darkest hour, with your most dire wounds, your only choices are to heal or die.

I wont stand on line!

Sometimes, the conversations we have are the fodder for something more. Often times these conversations start one way and end up in a place you never expected to be. Just recently it snowed and I was having a conversation with a friend of mine after she completed her laundry, apparently there was a homeless woman at the laundromat and the proprietors kicked her out into the cold. Now my friend bless her heart, said something I thought was rather peculiar, she said "I wanted to bring her home with me, there shouldn't be any homeless!" to this statement I responded with a sentence that would spark something so profound and so funny that it changed the course of that entire day. I innocently said to my friend "If we were a communist nation there probably wouldn't be any homeless"

Now in the United States communism is like a curse word. The thought alone gets people into an outrage, god forbid we do anything that hint us to becoming like a communist nation, add the words social before a government service and the devil himself is credited with it's creation. The statement as I expected it would sparked outrage, but it was the most honest words that I have ever heard spoken. She responded "Oh no, I cant do communism, I don't really know what it is but it sounds like it involves standing on line. I can't stand on no line for no bread and soap!" I began to laugh and then I realized that she was in that very moment the voice of a majority of us Americans. Naturally the worst part of communism is the lines. In history standing on line has always meant trouble, because lines are long, and boring. We formed this great country for the freedom, freedom from being forced to get in line.

I was also a little confused by our hate of lines, because like it or not we stand in line at the supermarket all the time for bread and soap, but I guess those lines are different. Capitalist lines, are greater and not equal to communist lines. Even though at the end of the day, a line is a line, it's 180 degrees and infinite in both directions. Maybe if the government blacklisted me and made my works taboo it would give me the 15 minutes of fame I need to launch my series. Maybe if more of us read Superman Red Son we would see that if Superman can still be a beacon as a communist maybe it isn't all bad....or not doesn't really matter all that matters is that the moment I shared with my friend was a special one.

Speaking of my series, I am extremely pleased to say that I am making leaps and bounds in progress,  I am determined to see this through to the end. I made my Production tag, It will be at the beginning of all my videos, quite frankly I am in love with it, every piece of it, thats how I know it's ready. I began speaking with potential actresses and letting them have copies of the first script so a reading will be in the pipeline soon. I still haven't purchased the N900 or a suitable, pocket watch, but I am getting closer everyday.
Thought of the day: Determination is fuel for the fire, behind every completed action is an incredible amount of determination. Determination can build an empire and determination can tear it down.

What are we going to give Jesus?

We all know that the first time Jesus came around we gave him gifts of Frankincense Gold and Myrrh. Well in Christian lore the second coming is a big deal, but I don't really hear anyone volunteering to go pick up the gifts. Considering that I am probably going to catch a lot of flack for this I want to say right now, for the 4 people out there that follow my blog, if you are easily offended read some of the older articles or wait for a new one, this may not be for you

Now that the warning has been made lets talk shop

When Jesus comes back to earth we just cant give him some Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh, think about it that may have been fun before the invention of television but in today's day and age it wont cut it. If I was Jesus quite frankly I would be insulted if the human race gave me the same gifts twice, like really come on. I think we need to designate the wisemen first and foremost.

First wise man, Stephen Hawking, quite frankly I feel like he has been working on a way to either, go forward in time, become immortal, or transform fully into a machine. His contributions to science are limitless, we associate Hawking as the face of advanced physics and other difficult sciences that the majority of us will never understand. Our second wise man will have to be, Barack Obama

Say what you want about Barack, but you have to admit the man is a genius. Out of all the things he has accomplished, I think his most important accomplishment has to be that he has mastered the art of timing. Barack ran for president after Bush, (Smart move number 1) against the most old and senile grandpa that the republican party could find (smart move number 2) and he found a way to win the presidency despite being black, for the first time, I saw a man's blackness working for and not against him.

The final wise man has to be Dave Chappelle, he has to be the funniest man on the planet, and in his jokes he seems to predict the future. Dave Chappelle is like a comedic Nostradamus. Take a look back to the racial draft skit, Tiger Woods embraced his blackness and lost all his endorsements. Today Tiger embraced his blackness fucking with mad ho's and he most likely going to lose his endorsements, coincidence or pure genius? Chappelle is a clear choice for wise man number three, forget the world leaders and prophets and those who claim to be all about goodwill lets, cut the bullshit and go with humanities best, our best scientist, politician, and comic.

Now what are they going to give Jesus, Off the bat I figure Stephen Hawking should give Jesus an Iphone, with a plan that he doesn't have to pay himself. It may seem like Jesus doesn't need an Iphone but this time around I doubt he is going to want to walk everywhere to get the word out especially when there are more instant and convenient means to get the word out. Plus when he is done battling evil, I can see Jesus relaxing to some bejeweled. So we get him an Iphone for all his internet based messiahing.

The second gift that I feel Obama should present to Jesus, is a comfortable rent free Condo on the upper east side. Last time Jesus was here, we were not the most hospitable of host, he was born practically outside near animals for crying out loud. Then he had to live in those old style shack hut things, then we crucified him.......We need to make sure that our Jesus is super comfortable, well rested on a bed with sheets that have an insane thread count, room service each morning and a kindle pre packed with his favorite books and the bible for his reading pleasure. We should comfort our Jesus cause he is super cool.

Finally I feel like Chappelle should present Jesus with the gifts of the Chappelle Show complete DVD, and Chappelle will help start up the new squad of Apostles. When Jesus starts jet setting this time around, he is going to need people he can trust, Judas we all know what you did. Chappelle will help to keep stuff real for Jesus. Plus I am sure the humor and joy that the new crew will bring Jesus will make the whole apocalypse fly right by. We definitely should not make the same mistakes we made last time, this time we need to do right by Jesus.

Thought of the day: Don't be afraid to put your thoughts on paper, even if you know it will piss everyone off.

Time Travel, Lady Gaga, and Cats! Oh my.......................

I have been going off on a tangent that has now become a mission. I wanted to find out all I could on Time travel and to find the reason why it couldn't possibly be practical, considering that I just started dabbling with the time space arena in my fiction. Also in the time that I have not been blogging I have been trying to purchase a sweet "steam punk" pocket watch, no batteries wound. I have wanted to own a pocket watch for some time now but it feels like the moment is right. Back to the time travel thing though, I came across a few interesting concepts that I wouldn't mind sharing with the world.

The notion of traveling forward through time into the future is generally accepted by science. The way that is done, is a person would have to leave the Earth at some undisclosed speed, and then return to the earth at some later time. More time would have passed on the Earth than would have passed for the Traveler. which means the Traveler would return in the future. Exactly how far into the future isn't known but this is an accepted concept in science. If they can digg it so can I.

Then we have the concept of traveling back in time, which nobody seems to accept because of a piece of logic called the Grandfather Paradox. The paradox follows as such, a man uses a time machine to go back in time and kill his own Grandfather before his father was conceived. This would imply that his father never existed and he would have never existed. If the man didn't exist, then it would follow that his Grandpa would be alive. Thus his father would be conceived and so would he. This piece of logic has every probability being it's own negation and thus it seems impossible to go back in time unless, the past cannot be changed, or the moment the traveler arrives back in time he is splintered into a parallel universe with his own timeline remaining constant.

I think that time travel when done correctly can spice up a piece of fiction. It opens up the realms in which your characters my journey and change, plus sometimes it's just incredibly cool to watch. Like this unrelated video I found of a domestic dispute between two cats. Completely off topic but it was hilarious, lets take a short intermission.

I actually find it all very interesting all the nerd speak on time travel. I am still looking for a few talented individuals to fill my characters shoes. I have also been putting some work into the mini-series introducing what will be the third and final main character. From this point on it's all green lights. Taking a moment to connect to my last post, I finally listened to Lady Gaga "The fame monster" but I still don't feel like I can say that it is the best pop album I heard in the past 10 years simply because it was the only pop album I listened to in the last 10 years. I am sure that would be a fallacy of logic, I believe the correct term would be appeal to unqualified authority. I can say that the production value is high and the talent is there and accounted for, I slept on Gaga and almost missed out. To all the people who didn't give her a chance because you have the classic conception that pop is bubble gum trash that is disposable, think again. My friends she is making music.

Haven't done the thought of the day in a while, So shall we proceed?

Thought of the day: Isolation is perfect for those afraid to change for the better or worse. If one desires progress, building relationships is essential, and fun. Networking is the bee's knees.

Watching the pot boil.

I have been so consumed lately with checking the status of my Google analytics account, trying to see who is reading and from where, only to realize that all I am doing is watching the pot boil. The more I pay attention looking for that exact moment where I can exhale and say " I am finally relevant", the longer it will seem to take to happen. I should be creating funny and creative things for you in the time that I've been watching the pot boil, and thats just what I am going to do.

I came up with a new character today, I am torn between calling him Tim or Jack, but it may not really matter. All that matters really is that I think he is solid. A little bit about him, he is larger than life. He is your basic Hang around, as in he just kinda hangs out at your place, the kinda guy you have to really wonder about, like what does he do for a living? Does he have anything else to do? Thing about this guy is he is so well traveled and experienced that he rather do nothing else but spend time in the company of good friends relaxing. I really think this character will provide a needed element to my series

I also wanted to take the time to say that, when it is all said and done, when I sit in front of my laptop and compose my daily message to you, it has to be some of my happiest moments. Before I finish off this post I wanted to say a few things music wise.

I didn't give Lady Gaga a fear shot so before I open my mouth I will have to give Fame and The Fame monster a good couple of spins. Then I shall pass my judgement.

Adele and the album 19 are spectacular, that was a rare musical experience. One of those times that the lyrics speak to my emotions and not just my need to shake my ass

Although many people disagree with me, I don't believe that the Black Eyed Peas are a disposable. They may not be creating music to change the world but I think that they create decent "feel good" music and I am going to leave it at that

Freddy Mercury from Queen had an amazing voice, I a straight man frequently sing Dont Stop Me Now out loud on the train.

Kanye West was right, Beyonce really does deserve to be recognized as an artist who has achieved a great deal in the past 10 yrs. and Barack Obama was right he was a Jackass for stealing Taylor Swifts shine. I think  that Kanye lost a piece of himself due to personal tragedy, I want that genius that gave me Through the wire and Good life

Over saturation is and will continue to be the downfall of 50 cent. Curtis was a trash album, I expected so much more from 50, I know its hard to compare a current work to previous work because you cant catch the same lightning in a bottle, but atleast try and produce new lightning. Trying to follow that cookie cutter formula no es bueno.

Panic at the Disco, New Perspective is destined to be a classic.

Thriller is the greatest video of all time, I think that nobody else can make a 13 minute feature and keep it relevant for years, that is some intense shit

I respect Jay-Z, he makes music for the love, and it comes through in the music. I can feel the love in the quality of what he puts out into the public. I don't see myself complaining about him as long as he continues to create with love. Empire State of Mind, makes being a proud New Yorker easy.

Greenday, I want you to step it up to the next level (Ray J usually says this to any woman that wont open her legs). I know what RollingStone said, but guess what that feature should have went to Beyonce. I think 21'st Century Breakdown was a good album but after a very heated debate with a friend, I had to begrudgingly admit that was nowhere near the level at which Beyonce's I am Sasha Fierce performed.

Finally the Pokemon, and mighty Morphin Power Rangers first season theme songs have some of the best guitar work on them ever. Do not hate on the classics.

Which one of Yall going home with Trigger?

I have been listening to Invented Sex on repeat, not because I am a huge fan of Trey Songz but because it prompted a scenario to play in the theater that is my mind. Before I go into the whole Trey Songz thing, I wanted to take a moment to provide some back story so that we remain on the same page. I have been reading the All Star Superman series by Grant Morrison and I found it to be quite the refreshing take on the Superman story. As long as they didn't do another origin story, I think I would have been receptive to anything but that. In the series Superman is accomplishing these super feats. One of the Super feats, is to answer an unanswerable question.

The question is what happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force? The answer they surrender. This linked my mind back to Trey Songz? Now Invented sex is a beautiful song about how much sexual prowess Trey Songz possess. Basically he gets her to the crib, and they immeadiately begin to have sexual intercourse during which the girl mistakes Trey Songz for the inventor of sex, who in Christian mythology would probably be Adam, or we could go with the scientific viewpoint that would peg the inventor of sex to be the first multicellular organism that reproduced by specific sex cells which contribute a specific amount of genetic information. After I listened to this song on repeat, all I could think of was the evil monkey from family guy, he comes home from work and his wife is fucking some other dude. 

It's always these Trey Songz type dudes that fuck your girl while your at work. Making the connection back to superman I asked myself what seemed to be an unanswerable question. The question I posed to myself was what if, I came home and Trey Songz was in my crib, kissing on my girls neck. Then they head upstairs she climbs on top and is screaming out you invented sex! Would I be able to walk away or would it be a murder suicide? Seriously though, sometimes I end up just ranting it's a hit or miss.

Seriously here is my intelligent thought. I am going to answer a question that we all end up asking.

Question: What is the meaning of life?
Answer: Exactly

In asking the question you have fulfilled all the requirements for the answer, if we had one specific task that equated the meaning of life at the completion of said task, one would drop dead, but by simply living being thinking and growing old, we are compiling all the things that are the meaning of life. Until my theory is refuted,   take this and run with it.

Cheers and Holiday decorated teddy bears!

Universal Implosion

There are certain things in our reality that cannot exist in the same space at the same time. These things are, Dark matter and light matter, Superman and Ultraman, and finally Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. If these two elements were to come together at some point, it is theorized that the universe would implode upon itself ending all life as we know it. In the event that these two things ever do end up in the same realm they should immediately, head to opposite sides of the universe, to prevent further damage from being done to the already dying universe.

I saw something equivalent to a universal destructive moment the other day. I was riding the 2 train heading to the Wakefield 241st. I was sitting close to on what would be the south row of the train. for all intensive purposes the row ahead of me will be referred to as the north row, and the double doors leading to other cars are labeled east and west. From the West double doors, a panhandler I will call by codename "acid face" boards the train.

Acid face was in a terrible accident in which battery acid was thrown into his face horribly disfiguring him, to the point that he is no longer able to get a job. He carries newspaper articles about his accident and he wears sunglasses that do not quite stay on his face because of his lack of ear. Acid face begins with his pitch and is at the point where he is asking for money, at the same time, a second gentleman I like to refer to as box car blue vest Joe enters the subway car from the east double doors already beginning his I need something to eat pitch.

Box car blue vest Joe and Acid face lock eyes, and I felt a chill down my spine. Never before had I seen two pan handlers work the same car. I felt reality start to tear apart and not in the positive "I am focusing my ambition like a laser to change reality" tear, I knew everyone on that train including myself was doomed, my mind drifted to the fact that of all the screenplays that I have started, I never freaking finished one. Box car blue vest Joe knew that this was going to end poorly, he cut his pitch off and went past Acid face making sure not to touch him exiting the car through the west double doors.

I was never more intrigued and frightened before in my life. Two subway personalities working the same car, this has never happened before I wondered if they had like turf wars or like some kind of schedule worked out but it seems like it was nature that kept them separated all this time, definitely not something you see everyday

Guilt and Growing

My internet connection has been on the fritz, Verizon needs to stop raping me and get their act together, I have a job, a responsibility, to the fine people of the internet to provide my thoughts and a record of things that happen during my day to day adventures. Turns out that this post was so important to me at least that I held the topic in my mind until the internet resurfaced and I could share it with you all. I had that good old the blood is on your hands feeling, yes, I am talking about guilt. 

I met a girl at my school a few years ago, she came in to the bookstore to price some biology books that she would be using a semester down the road, which was quite a rare occurrence, with our student body it's usually last minute or never. Her name was Jennifer, and she was not at all the kind of girl that I found myself lusting after, but there was something about her I found interesting, quirky. After we had a small talk in the bookstore, she became a regular, whenever I was working she would kind of pop up. In fact she would pop up conveniently wherever I happened to be on campus. It was creepy, but in a cute creepy way.

So I decided to give this girl who became sort of a mini stalker the time of day, she never had any money so she couldn't do many of the things that I found enjoyable, mainly going to the movies, and playing pool. Her poverty was so intense that she wanted us to go to six flags, on the buy one get one free with a coke can deal, which I thought was hilarious, smart, but hilarious. 

We ended up dubbing this intelligent but money deficient young lady "Broke Girl" my friends and I name people we have been doing it all our lives, deal with it. So after a while those little quirky things that I found charming at first quickly became annoying, the popping up, the awkwardness, the lack of money, and I decided to leave this girl alone in the fashion that I dealt with most women I no longer wanted to deal with. I ignored her out of existence. I treated her like she wasn't even there, I was so cold about it, if she saw me near a train station I would just swipe myself into the subway because I was sure she had no money to follow me in. Eventually she got the hint, and she stopped coming around, and when I did see her in passing which slowed to being a rare occurrence, we said nothing to each other, in fact she did her best not to even look at me.

I saw her yesterday after a few odd years, on the bus. I was heading to my mother, and we locked eyes. I saw a look in her that tore me up inside, her face sunk and she just looked like she wanted to cry almost instantly. I being older, wiser, and having finally developed human empathy, felt a guilt like no other. I wanted to apologize to her, but she just got off the bus. The only crime she committed was having a crush on me and being herself, and because I was such a turd, I hurt her, for no reason. I am sure she isn't the only woman that I have hurt in my time, but she is the first to resurface since I made my changes for the better. 

I am sorry Jennifer. It turns out that you were worth my time, but I was not worth yours.

With that I make peace with the matter. The guilt I am sure will linger, for a while, but this is a side effect of me growing up. I accept and embrace it. 

Stay tuned, I also finally answered an unanswerable question. I have my words locked and loaded, I am just waiting to blow your mind.

The Cheat for Pay Explosion

So like the rest of the human race, I have been struggling to make a name for myself. Along the way I decided that I make a decent amount of money, by doing other peoples Homework. It's usually some college student who for one reason or another decides "I don't want to deal with this". Some may say that I am praying on the lazy, if they didn't have the alternative of turning to someone like me they would have to do it themselves, or not do it at all, which is very true.

I am more interested in speaking out on the share number of people who are willing to do this. The people who for one reason or another seek my services. We all have that moment when we are seeking a good or service and we are encountered with an employee who seems under qualified and not very knowledgeable as to what procedure is or how to satisfy the needs of the situation. The first thing I do is mentally spout off about how incompetent that person is and then I wonder how the hell did they even get the job? Now I know it's because of people like me who provide them with a low cost ride on the bottom so they can have a chance to make it to the top.

Sadly enough the world is full of people like me who are willing to do what it takes, to not end up destitute and people like them who rather pay a nominal fee, then to expand a few minutes of hard work. It's the circle of life.

Update to the N900 Gate, Black friday has passed and Cyber Monday is here and still no N900 in sight for me. I may have to wait till late december before I own that wonderfully powerful piece of computing device. I will not quite on you N900 you will be mine.

I have a few new business startup plans that I am rather excited to get started I want to actually to get an episode or 2 of this series filmed before I decide to move one step further. I need to handle these current ideas before I move on to the new shiny ones. Commitment is going to be my new middle name, because I am not going to stop. I am actually going to complete all my assigned projects, attempt to see my goals through to the end, because unlike the people who are willing to Pay to Cheat, I am not afraid of hard work. I cheat for the pay.

Perseverance, During Changes.

The most frightening part of a house remodel has to be the demolition. You have to tear down your old familiar home, watch as it becomes rubble and dust, to make way for the new. You can remodel a home completely without the demolition, that destructive change is needed. I want to spread the word that we should see and accept change for what it is. It is a metamorphic power that will lead to new results good or bad. I feel that although I am striving for success there are still a few pieces of me that have to change before it will be possible. The pieces that I just don't want to let go of. I am quite fond of these pieces, but I understand if I want the chance to reach my desired results I have to make a change.

I am not sure what is really going to happen to me. Facing eviction, limited options, and lack of finances all threaten to consume me, but I understand that these are all integral parts of the "demolition" process. That what I perceive to be the end of days, may really just be the beginning. With that said I am ready to move onto other points.

I want to share with the world another little piece of information that I feel is integral to success. I been almost obsessively checking my Google Analytics account, familiarizing myself with all the different options and demographics available to me, and mostly just counting that visitor log. I feel with every new visit, I somehow become a bit more relevant, what I say actually has a bit of value, and although at times I may go off on a tangent and write about something nuts, every effort I make to produce more refined content gets me one step closer to my ultimate goals.

We should all embrace the changes, no matter how scary they may seem. In the end they provide the necessary platform for success.

Thought of the day: Perseverance is key, especially during the darkest hour

Take a moment to see past the bills..........Stupid.

I wanted to write about Oral Sex, or the N900 but I think I am going to run with a story that presented itself to me. I watched a couple struggle for years to pay their bills, they in essence work to pay bills and at the end of everyday the are in debt. I watched them repeat the same cycle for years never once variating from the path yet expecting for the subsequent days to be different. The couple then proceeded to chastise their youngest daughter for purusing dance, as a career choice.

The mystery couples daughter is aspiring to become a professional dancer, and works quite diligently to perfect her craft. The couple cant see the value in what she is doing because it weilds no monetary gain. The stress from bills piling they want her to give up on what she is doing to "contribute" to the house. Now I can understand that at the end of the day they all require a place to live, but what I see is what I call the "drag me down with you syndrome"

The couple has no clear plan, no goals, nothing to look forward to but bills, and then death. They in essence would also like to drive their ambitious daughter down the same hole. They want her to acclimate to a condition that will never change, spending all her time and money basically throwing it into a big black hole, wondering when exactly will the hole consume us all. If we keep feeding the hole money, atleast we know it wont be today. Sadly it will be someday.

My heart is breaking for her in this situation. They cant see past the pay bills lifestyle and clearly she is putting in the necessary work to not have to live that lifestyle. They come from two different generations and the mentalities are very different. Poor people need to break away from the make ends meet mentality, and step into the grasping for the big picture mentality.

At the end of the day, all that separate the have's from the have not's, is ambition. Focus your ambition like a laser and start cutting away, at your shitty reality, ultimately making room for a better one.

Fast Money, Easy Money, Money from home........time to get Real

We all end up at some point following this sequence of events, or something similar. We open up our preferred browsers and navigate to a search engine and we do a search, usually out of pure desperation. We enter a combination of what we believe to be magic keywords, Fast Money being the usual culprit, hoping that the first page that pops up contains some sort of secret information that will in the next 5 minutes provide you with some substantial sum of money.

I am not ashamed to say that I have done it, and I am sure most of my family and friends have probably done the same thing. The story doesn't end here though, we find a page with the promise of fast money, out of the thousands of fast money pages that exist, for some reason this page grabs your attention, the page will usually have some sort of testimonial that goes along the lines of, "I made an ass load of money through Google! Or look at my 5,000 thousand dollar check, I got it sitting on my ass and you can too!"

If the page isn't asking you to purchase something, its riddled with ads, and links, and pop ups, and I'm sure whatever program it's with is generating tons of traffic, because it's praying on the hopes of the desperate. We really need to sit down and evaluate the truth. The fact of the matter is that there is virtually an unlimited mine of money that can be made through the internet. People are making money made through legitimate business and through providing goods and services even if thats just making a myspace layout or telling a joke. The truth is your not going to make money for doing absolutely nothing, unless someone approaches you with this offer. You may become famous for nothing, but the money is made from the fame that you have acquired, so even the no talent famous have to make TV appearances, and sponsor things, and make a buzz powered by their fame, that my friends is work.

If you want to make money you have to actually try to do something, and there wont be a road map to absolute success, if there was we would all be doing it. What we do have is a good idea of how you can do things that may lead to success. I provide you with my thoughts, with my words, I am not making any money at the moment but, I do hope that one day these words will be worth something. This is the work that I have to put in, before I have my face in a little suspect looking graphic ad claiming that I made a mint online with minimum ease.

If you don't want to work hard, work smart. Do something that you love and provide it to the rest of the world. You will be surprised what goes viral over the internet. Sometimes it's the most absurd thing that millions of people all over the world find amusing, interesting, funny, sad, or important. We have to really sit back and realize that there is no work free route to tons of money, unless you win the good old lottery. So instead of doing that obscure search for fast cash, quick money or work from home, try perfecting a craft and sharing it with the rest of us. The self actualization and accomplishment you will receive from watching your work progress will be worth a bit more than money, and when the money starts rolling in, if it does, it's going to be worth so much more to you.

Thought of the day, the faster you get to work, the faster you realize that fast money is an improbability, the closer you will be to making real money. Once again when you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.

Being Famous for nothing

Snagged this photo from because I feel it makes my point for tonight

I was watching some prime time television on a random local channel and I saw Tila Tequila, speaking out on some domestic abuse. Apparently her then football player boyfriend who's name evades me beat her up and forced her to take Ecstasy. Now I immeadiately thought hmmm, trying to ride the Rihanna domestic abuse badwagon to 15 more minutes of fame. Then my mind posed to me a very pertinent question, why is she on television? I really cannot pinpoint what her talent is, or what she achieved that was so great that she deserves celebrity status.

In essence I am probably just jealous because I am not rich and famous for no apparent reason. I guess I must be a sucker to think that hard work and determination still lead to glory. Should I give up on writing, put on 30 pounds of muscle and jump in hot tubs until one day I make it to an MTV hot tub.

Another person I don't really understand why they are in the public eye is this dude, Perez Hilton. I think as a writer he is all washed up. Granted he still pulls a very specific crowd to his niched blog, and he does sell ad space on said blog for commendable amounts, I still feel like he is getting by on just having a big mouth. Why do we praise the talentless? I remember when fame meant something. When people were fans, and stars were untouchable, they were perfect at their crafts and had bodies sculpted by the gods. I remember when there was a come up to fame, you had to "arrive" now it's all about pulling a large crowd on Myspace, or twittering millions of useless twits and then bam bitches I'm on T.V.

If I become famous, I want it to be because I am good at what I do, and people acknowledge that, I feel like having an actual talent will help me to prolong my career. Producing well into old age and remaining relevant, not just till I'm about 30 and someone younger and more interesting but equally as worthless takes my place.
I do think Tila has an interesting look though. She is attractive in an from out of space kinda way, maybe thats why she is famous!

Thought of the day: Fame anyone may have it for any reason. To achieve it, one must be.

Traffic.............All roads lead somewhere else

I was thinking about the very small amount of traffic that my blog generates and the first thing that popped into my head was the old saying that "All roads lead to Rome", sadly for me i seems all roads to my blog lead to any where but here. I just can't seem to generate the type of fellowship that my heart desires, still I continue to write. I was rather presently surprised when I saw one bit of information today. All the accounts, all my online activity, all my internet business is linked to my Google analytics account, which I find as a tracking and reporting tool to be quite handy

So I was checking the map overally to see where in the world my viewers are located and of the small number that I do have, I saw that I got a hit out of Canada and Saudi Arabia, which blew my mind. I can say that I have multinational appeal now that I finally have a visitor outside of the united states so thank you whoever you are that I am sure wandered blindly here looking for something else.

I always remember what I was told about generating traffic, that content is king and I should have a niche, but I am providing a unique service here, I provide you with all of me, my dreams, my work, things of note, news, rants and raves. I may have to face facts that the world may not be looking for Joshen Reborn. They arent looking because they don't know that I am here! I need to find a way to make my presence known, something to the equivalent of placing my product in the consumers hand. I need to give myself to the world.

In the meantime, I will settle for the poor souls who were searching for something else and happened to stop here and read a few bits of what I have to say, here on my own personal soap box I guess, I am king. As king I proclaim that I need a shinier soap box to speak from. If your looking for traffic generation tips, don't look at me, or maybe you should because if your reading this I managed to get you here and thats a spectacular feat!

Professor Gucci Mane Girl Bus Theory of Relation.

A friend of mine said something I thought was funny. He said "hope that the Gucci Mane Girl bus theory applies to trains." I thought it was hilarious so I did a little bit of research and I came up with this. Enjoy

Professor Radric Davis (Gucci Mane) Girl Bus Theory of relation and motion. Gucci Mane released his girl bus theory of relation and motion through the radio station V-103 on March 30, 2009. The theory is very simple although it deals with breaking down many complex universal laws and scientific theories into a few lines. The theory touches on the diversity of life, it draws a direct parallel to the abundance of attractive females to differentiation in fish species in our oceans, while also stating, most importantly, that they are in constant motion following a strict time table which is only altered through a few variables. The theory states;

“More fish in the sea
Girls are like buses
Miss one, Next fifteen; one comin’
Gucci Mane crazy and his ice game stuntin”

We must carefully analyze the laws at work here. Professor Davis has expanded on the already existing theories of motion proposed by Isaac Newton.

The laws of motion as proposed by Newton and applied by Gucci Mane

1. In the absence of force, a body either is at rest or moves in a straight line with constant speed.
This is essential to the Mane theory, when a woman has a body that wont quit she is never at rest. Thus girls are in constant motion moving at a constant speed which when calculated factoring gravity and other variables equals approximately 15 minutes.

2. A body experiencing a force F experiences an acceleration a related to F by F = ma, where m is the mass of the body. Alternatively, force is proportional to the time derivative of momentum. Now this law is how we understand how Gucci Mane affects the average rate at which “girls are comin’ ” The variable F affecting a womans acceleration is in fact now known to be Swag. Swag may or may not be increased by ones “ice game” which maintains the constant 15 minute motion cycle and at higher level may increase the cycle ten or 20 fold, this theory is further expounded upon by Jay-Z in the Girls, Girls, Girls video.

3. Whenever a first body exerts a force F on a second body, the second body exerts a force -F on the first body. F and -F are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction. This law ties up the loose ends of the second law by stating that if one maintains his Swag level, the force exerted upon the girls will be infinite and cyclical. Not only does Swag have the ability to attract desirable females but it can also repel if directed in the right direction, undesirables in the opposite direction at an equal level of force exerted.

Now clearly this all relates back to busses to show that the time table while being definite can be adjusted by environmental factors, such as snow, rain, heat, and decreased amounts of Swag. Professor Davis is still on the cutting edge on the laws of conservation, evolution, and female dynamics.

Dawn Reborn

At times my thought process tends to be a tad bit off. This does not happen to be one of those times. Over the years I spent time creating my online persona, Joshen. Now Joshen is my actual name but I use it online in multiple screen names and the such, if you do a quick Google, almost everything is me except for that eastern paper company. I am not nor have I ever been affiliated with Joshen Paper. I have been thinking, that the most important thing I could do for myself would be to create a brand. Something that is immediately identified with me, so falling back into my comfort zone I choose to use Joshen and I came up with Joshen Reborn.

Joshen Reborn will be my stamp of approval. Anything I have a hand in Ill mark Joshen Reborn, it's not as catchy as Bing, or as snazzy as Snuggy, hell it's not even as good as Bankable, but it's mine. Joshen Reborn has meaning for me, and I feel like I can be proud of it, I believe in it. When I can make Joshen Reborn known and accepted no matter how it's presented it will be a proud day for me.

In other news, I have a job. I am finally an employed New Yorker. This is my official rise out of the dredges and into my place in this great big world. I am so excited. It also puts me back on track with N900 gate which is still in the works. I must possess that phone, it is my desire, my will, my resolve.

Rounding out the end of this post, I just really have to say that Heroes is my bread and butter right now. The writers and Tim Kring deserve a substantial round of applause for creating a show with enough bang for my mythological buck. I have never been more entertained on Monday nights, well actually Tuesday cause I do most of my watching on the NBC website. I also take the time to glance through the message boards and it's usually a heated debate into the shows, mytho's and while I have my own two cents to add at times, I'm just not nerdy enough to sign up and become a message board Heroes mythos expert. It's like being a Trekkie. I just cant do it, (In public)

Stay tuned I am working on season one of my mini series, I say mini because it's less than a half hour per episode but I have totally fallen in love with it. As soon as I finish filming the first episode I am definitely going to be posting the script to the blog. I also want to post another work of mine but it hasn't been produced as of yet. Strange that a screenwriters blog is completely devoid of scripts, but has an abundance of crap.

Cheers and theoretical non alcoholic Beers!

I think society has it all wrong

I spend an enormous amount of time and energy just thinking. I like to sit and strategize and work things out, it brings me a certain joy just archiving plans in this brain of mine. I also like to formulate my own view points on topics I consider important, like the most painless way to die, or what deadly sin is the most satisfying. By this point you may be asking yourself, "What's the point of all this Joshen? Everyone thinks!" The point is I finally had my realization that I was given a flawed blueprint to life.

I spent my early years watching television, playing video games, collecting comic cards(and other knick knacks), reading Goosebumps and other literature of interest, thinking, and making up grandiose stories that I would play out with my action figures. I then let this trend continue to this very day the only thing that really changed is that I put my stories on paper, instead of using action figures. All my life, my parents, teachers, friends and bullies have been trying to break my out of my habits to pursue more "meaningful" exploits, like becoming good at track or some kind of sport, making a life plan, learning a trade, getting serious about life and putting an end to all the damn dreaming.

The clincher here is that while they were right, they have never been more wrong. These people and many like minded people were in essence molding me to become a productive member of society. To transition smoothly into the working class and lead an "ordinary life" based on monotony, mediocrity and security. I never desired for such a thing. I wanted the riches, a Soda fountain in my living room, a room with every Videogame ever created, a Sport bike, a Mustang GTO convertible hard top, a life size Pikachu plushie, an Eevee statue made of pure gold, and bathers ala Coming to America.

The disconnect happened when I started  to believe that the only way to fulfill my dreams would be to follow the blueprint that society gave me, riddled with terms like life insurance and working degree. Societies blueprint does not lead to my soda fountain, it does however lead to at least having 2.5 bottles of soda in the refrigerator at any given week and that should be enough. I was taking the normal route to become an abnormally wealthy individual. Not just wealthy cash wise, but time wise. Success provides you with things such as self defined hours, and lengthy vacations, play time, things that the ordinary never have. I would also like to add that societies blueprint has a Claus in it that potentially has me working until I die.

I at the ripe old age of 22 realized that it is the thinkers, the "time wasters" the creative that garner the abnormal success, that those stuck in mediocrity look up to and attest that "it must have been hard work that got him there". In all fairness it was smart work that got him there. He worked toward a different type of goal. One that was padded with self actualization and not a K. "If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life" that's the goal.

I made my own road-map after I realized that college and my 9-5 at Barnes and Noble just wont cut it in the long run. I realized that my most useless skill of them all was my strongest asset. My imagination would be my ticket to glory, so I honed that into a skill, writing and here I am today a happy starving artist. I have a goal and a realistic means to attain such goal, and I never had to go to technical school or join the army.

Thought of the century: Take the time to discover what you love to do. The risk underscores the spoils, Fear is both shield and crutch. Action is the sword.

If you are confused as to what you want to do with your life, If you are looking to others for some type of step defined road-map to glory, my suggestion to you is to take some time and just think. Trail blaze your own path to glory, it's worth it.

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days!

It's been a while since I can say I truly been happy but go figure I found a little piece of happiness pie and it is so sweet. It comes down to the fact that I am taking action and not just talking about or thinking about taking action. I always knew that no matter what I did in life I had to do some writing on the side. It's just what has to be done, I love the craft. I didn't know that the same craft that I am totally in love with would turn around and stand to be my greatest enemy.

For years I've been terrified to write a single word, start any of the gillions of ideas I had down on paper. Why? because I created a barrier between myself and my own abilities. I told myself you just aren't good enough, not yet. I placed a list of asinine but logical tasks one should undergo before they can be considered a writer. They should take classes, have a degree, be a working author, attempt to have something published. All I was doing was stalling from the task at hand. I had a date with a pen, paper, and desk and I was just afraid.

I am writing more than I ever have. I have a risky plan but it's a plan. I feel fulfilled. I am still broke but this feeling of progressing forward is enough to create euphoria that I haven't felt in a while. I need to take a step back and just marinate in it, because it has been a long time since I felt so good about anything.

In a completely un-related note, I started a list of all the things I need to accomplish in the next 6 months or so. Now I am sure that I will not achieve them all but I damn sure will try. Nothing life changing or dangerous, just a few basic needs and wants, I want to drive, I want to be able to see those kinds of things.

Don't forget N900 gate is still in progress, that phone will be mine. It made it on to my list as well. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but it seems more like fun than work. I'm positioned behind life, I have a condom, and I'm ready to make life my bitch. So how life likes it when we reverse roles for a while.

So my Halloween was.............Awesome

I didn't go trick or treating. I didn't have a costume. I didn't lime with all my friends (Lime being Trinidadian vernacular for hang out). I didn't party. I didn't do any of things one expects to do on this day that makes for traditional fun. So I bet by now you are wondering what I did do.

What I did do was get some work done. I did a day gig from noon to about five at $15/hr for a grand total of 80 bucks. I really just felt a surge of joy and pride for earning a fair day's pay, for more than a fair day's work. I also took the time to write episode 2 and 3 of my thirteen episode season 1 sitcom. I will look into starting the production process when I complete episode 5 or 6, but for now I am very pleased with my own work. If I don't toot my own horn, who will?

In other news I also made the executive decision to leave my shameless paypal link at the bottom of my page up until N900 gate 2009-2010 is completed.  Even after I may leave that paypal link there. I promised I wouldn't rant about it anymore so now I am plugging it. We all should buy a N900 or at least a N97, the Iphone era is over.

I really feel like I am chasing my passion and that is good. What is bad is that I feel that old sting of failure more severely each day. I know the term starving artist is used loosely but I may end up a starving homeless destitute artist, and that es no bueno.

I also want to give a blog plug to a fellow writer, I know her as The New Jack. Her blog turned 2 today (Link included New Jack ) and if you are brave enough to read through her archives you will see the growth of a larger than life character. One who is multidimensional and real. I see her and an archetype for what a heroine should be immediately pops into my head. If I said that any of my more serious characters didn't have bits and pieces of her online personality I would be lying. Creepy, yes, I know, but I write about everyone I know. I'M A WRITER, I WRITE ABOUT WHAT I KNOW.

Last but not least I would like to say, that everyday the relationship between me and my mother becomes more complex and confusing. I just can't figure out our real issue.

Thought of the day, fuck thought of the week: When your finished asking why me and wallowing in sadness, you rarely receive an answer. So why keep asking that question? Insanity is repeating the same action but expecting a different outcome. Avoid insanity and ask many different question seeking the same answer.

Here is the business for today

     In my quest to procure that elusive Nokia device, the N900, I may have lost my way. I quite frankly have been doing college assignments for other students for pay. I sunk to cheat for pay, which is an exponential amount of rungs above gay for pay. Still cheating for pay is pretty bad. I started writing a new season of my sitcom like show, which I will air on none other than Youtube. I am really excited about it because it really is just fun to write silly things sometimes. Coming back to my obsessive focus on the N900 phone of 1000 glories, I am in essence selling my mind. I could be selling my body but I much rather the cheat for pay circumstances. So it's shameless but I am determined to sink to almost (keyword) any low for my N900. I call it

N900 Gate 2009.

Notice the colorful graphic. It's the best I could come up with on such short funds. Anywho if you scroll to the bottom of the page you will also see that I shamelessly added a paypal donate button. Now I know my blog has been known to have a level of professionalism, that all of my one reader has come to know and love, but in my endless and infinite wisdom, I choose to compromise that for the N900. I don't know why I love that phone so much; I just do. I promise this will be my last rant on it until I acquire it. I will be off doing more creative, constructive, and lucrative, things soon!

My thought of the day. We often strive against ourselves. Why fear a state of non-doing if it is simply preparation for action. Potential energy is just as important as kinetic. Working with the flow, and knowing when to go against the grain is the true mark of maturity.

Cool new things

     I have stepped my processing and operating game up to Windows 7 and I must say that I am impressed. It is eating up far less resources than Vista did on my Vaio, the result my laptop feels faster. I also want to report that I just saw my first ad for DJ Hero a new promising looking game in the Guitar Hero franchise. Replace the guitar with turntables and replace the rock classics with hip hop and pop, and you have the making of another fun beat based game.

Short post for today, looking to get into something a tad more lucrative and delicious.

Thought for today: Grand dreams, require equal amount of grand action. Action is the catalyst in the transformation from fantasy to reality

The N900 Makes Me Drool

     Ok so once again I have gone into full on obsession mode over what has to be the most powerful mobile device since, the N97. The N900 makes the N97 look like a chump cry baby. The processing power, the Mameo system, the enhanced internet browsing and the support of T-mobile 3g is enough to make me go crazy. I am going right into how can I afford this mode as I contemplate parting with a kidney and a lung in exchange for all that technological goodness. It is a reminder of what life should be but it's not. The worst part has to be the longing for the things that I can not have. In the event that I can not afford this marvel on it's release I vow to find a way to purchase it by black Friday.

Not only will I own this piece of technology but I want to be able to buy it 3 times over so now I have to find a way to bank 1200 and have a leftover 650 just in case I decide to cut the middle man and head right to the Nokia store in Manhattan. I promise this is the last time your going to see me gush on my blog. I still want to use this space to do something important.

On the downside, I have been communicating with a few different people trying to solidify my freelance writing/entrepreneurial career. Scheduled a meeting for today and the guy flaked. I will just continue to try and realize my dreams through the path of the pen.

Joshen words to the un-wise, Believe achieve succeed. Mantra from 90's

Living is half the battle, the other half is home ownership

     I am really mulling over if I should compile the stories and experiences of homeless New Yorkers. I was locked out last night, in what I consider freezing weather and it had to be one of the top 10 worst things to ever happen to me. When we speak about the homeless we commit a fatal mistake, that we are bound to repeat because it seems we just don't learn. It is true the state of a person without a home is that they are "homeless". The mistake we make is that we take the ward homeless and turn it into an umbrella term like any other negative epithet. We now consider homeless to mean dirty, scary, worthless, crazy, psychotic, evil, animals, anything but a decent human being. We label these people strip them of their humanity so that it becomes easier to ignore them, to step over them, to get upset at them because they exist and now they are inhabiting the same space as you!

I saw something very ignorant on TV that I feel is noteworthy, because it was so ignorant. Jeff Lewis on flipping out confess that he has an irrational fear of the homeless, but mixed with his reaction to being in a poor neighborhood I think he just has an aversion to poverty. What explanation could you possibly give to be afraid of all homeless people, and then . Like Chappelle said we watch people treat Oscar the grouch terribly for years and wonder why our children walk over the homeless "Get a job grouch" 

My night in the street last night was not my first night, but hopefully it will be my last. I have now fully committed to doing my piece with the homeless. I will speak to and find the stories, that are hardly heard. I'll do what I can when I can to positively impact the lives of these people, but for sure I know I can provide a voice and presence for the people.

In other news, I am really starting to feel more fulfilled as a writer. What a difference action makes. I also have a new interest in telepathy and animal crossing, I know its a weird mix but hopefully I'll get both when "Men Who Stare at Goats" debuts in a city near me. I also have to say that I saw paranormal activity and it fell below the hype generated on my Richter scale, but still I enjoyed it. It felt like I could have made that movie, and seeing it on the screen just rejuvenated my faith in the ability to penetrate into the industry.

Coming back full circle, I vow here and now that I will use my words, my writing and my mind, so that I never have to end up in the street, in the cold, ever again. I am limited to my ambition by my ambition.

Cheers and Jeers!

Update To 6yr old in Balloon

I have actually seen the Heene family on wifeswap, I saw that airing on television now it may seem and hopefully that this was a sensationalism stunt. The boy may have never actually been in the balloon. The story thickens and my career as a breaking news journalist is coming to a close. Will we find Balloon Boy? The coverage of the Balloon has been pretty constant and I did not see the chamber open. The authorities on the ground don't seem to be in any big rush, so maybe the Heene family already reported to Colorado authority that the boy is safe.

We all watched as the authorities secured an empty balloon and now we all wait.

We need to find the lost Falcon!


As of 6:32 here at the Joshen newsroom we have received word that Falcon was found in his parents attic hiding in a box. Leads me to wonder why the little boy did this? I must say that if this was 15 min of fame for the Heene family, it was a terrible 15 min to put the world through.

Now don't get me wrong I am happy that little falcon has been found, I am very upset that I thought for hours that something terrible occurred to him in the first place. Enough of me playing anchorman about to switch back to my screenwriter self. I also think I am going to use my blog to now chronicle not only my life and my journey as a screenwriter, but to chronicle my interactions with the world. I know not a very focused niche but I have direction I am going to make the necessary moves to find actual fulfillment

Breaking news

Ok so we have all been watching the 6yr old who apparently floated away in the balloon. The balloon has landed about 5 min now and it landed really gently. I want to give Kudos to the track star rescuer in the what seems to be purple pink shirt khaki pants, who is just really running at the balloon to catch it as it comes down. What is scary is that they still have yet to open the balloon and retrieve the boy. It seems that the boy is not in the balloon. I am seeing now that the boy is not in the balloon.

The balloon landed so gently only for us to now speculate that the boy has fallen out of the balloon. The channel 11 news in NYC is still following the story as is everyone in the world

The balloon came down, as gentle as a feather only to create a new mystery. The reported name of the boy is Falcon. Apparently he comes from a family who deal heavily with "weather chasing" The balloon itself came down as it was designed to. The outer ring deflated and the inner ring brought it down slowly. I am hoping that the child was actually never on board the balloon. The worst case scenario would be if the boy has indeed fallen out. I will break the news as the news is broken to me!

Damn tell the the truth, or not. Why not Invent a lie?

So I over heard a conversation happening in my immediate vicinity earlier and it sparked the hamster in my head to jump off it's fat lazy ass and get running on it's wheel. The conversation was about a girl who lied and claimed that her mother had died, so that she could garner enough sympathy to have her tuition deferred by her college's bursar. Now this mystery girl was a special type of liar. She had to be a pathological liar because the lie she told may have been out of financial necessity but it didn't stop there. Those who knew this mystery girl quickly discovered that they in fact did not know her. She had concocted a very elaborate background story, which they later discovered was a mesh of each of their individual pasts. The big question is why did she do it? Besides the money as far as we can tell she did it for shits and giggles. She just loves to lie.

Now I thought to myself she must be a pretty low person. I took a moral high ground on this one based on the nature of her first lie. "My mother just died" is a pretty brazen and cold thing to lie about regardless of the condition. Gave a snap judgement based on what I heard and I was almost immeadiatly against it. It was easy to look down on her she was a liar. Now this is where the post takes a twist. I found myself lying, for no good reason, this afternoon.

Ladies and gentlemen, I lied today. I lied, because I felt that the truth was not interesting enough. I stepped into the bank to deposit a check today and the female teller began to make small talk. We smiled and asked each other about our day during the transaction, when I was asked "Where are you coming from? Work? Now I have never lied about my employment status prior to this occasion, but this time I just felt that the truth "I am looking for work actually" just didn't compare to the lie that I almost instantly spat out. I opened my mouth and this is what came out "Yeah, I work in the Bronx, helping people with Cerebral Palsy learn the skills they need to deal with daily life." I actually amazed myself when the last word in this sentence left my lips. We shared in a that's such a rewarding career moment and said our goodbyes.

We do things at times, with no rhyme or reason. It's easy to lump them into the good or bad category, but we tend to overlook the third neutral amoral category. The category where things aren't done to aid or harm, they are just done. No consequence, no repercussions, no backlash, just action and completion. I must say though, there is a feeling that lying creates in the pit of my stomach that I just cant shake. I think that feeling gets translated in my eyes. Like the person can see in my eyes that I just told a lie, kinda sad that I am that transparent. I am not satisfied that I am not a proficient liar, go figure.

I lied for absolutely no reason at all. Does that make me a liar? I think so. It does however tie back into my movie theme, The Invention of Lying was a great movie that proved that absolutely nothing bad can happen when you execute a perfect lie. The perfect lie being the one that you don't get caught in. Sadly in our reality perfect lies are few and far in between and the truth seems to have a tendency to creep up on you when you least expect it.

Lets take it back to the roots

I saw the 9:55 pm airing of Good Hair last night and I must say that I enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Chris Rock took a very serious matter educated me and made me laugh. At the end of the movie I remember saying how glad I was to be a man. It takes me 20-30 minutes to get my haircut and I don't have to subject myself to horrible chemical burns. I don't want to be one of those douches that blogs and spoils the whole movie for the people that have not seen the movie but want to. I will however say that I recognize now that weaves and perms are serious business, expensive business, a global business.

I wasn't surprised to find out that black was profiting anyone but black people. It is intense to see that the people in the black hair business are anything but black. The majority of companies making profit on Black hair are white and asian owned. It was a movie I would like the entire community to see, sadly I know it wont change much. We should really try and remember that "Whats on top of your head is not as important as what's inside your head" - Chris Rock.

So thus far I prove that I am current on my movies. I also choose to somehow integrate strangers into my profile. I am going to talk to more strangers and hopefully get them to take pictures with me that will be the core focus of my upcoming weekly special. I think it's going to be titled "Hunting for change and treasure". Hopefully someone will have a few nuggets of gold to share with me.

Also I had something on my mind that I think I need to share. Tyra Banks I like you, I respect you and Bankable, but honestly I think I am tired of you. Let me tell you why. There is an air of ego centrism radiating from you that I think people falsely chalk up to confidence. I guess that's what happens when you start to develop an Empire State of Mind.

On a sad note, I didn't get the job with Grammy award winning Peter Buchanan-Smith. One door closing hopefully another will open. I am seriously back in the hunt trying to stay in the race.

Under Construction

I came up with a few structural changes I am going to make with my blog. I never change the layout or mess around with fony because I like the feel of having a very basic page. On the other hand I need to stop being a weekend warrior blogger. I need something that I can atleast blog about on a weekly basis that will satisfy both me and my one reader.

So now that I announced there are going to be some changes around here, I also want to announce I dont know exactly what those changes are going to be. I want to tell you about my movie experience last night. I went to see The Invention of Lying, I must say that it was a wonderful movie a rare gem if I ever saw one. The concept about alternate worlds facinate me. The story was solid and the writing was intelligent, watching and listening to the movie made it seem like it would be a good read. The first act and the third act were solid but the middle act dragged which I suppose it was supposed to. I also thought that the character development and changes were very spot on. It was another peice of fiction, that I feel on any given day if the conditions were right it would be real. All in all, it was also really fucking funny.

On the gaming scene, I recently procured Lego Batman. I love this game, it seems that putting things in lego form just makes it so silly and fun. This isn't your total non stop violence batman, in fact he isn't scary at all, he is super cute. I do recommend this game for adults as well as children, it's just appropriate for all ages. I can't wait to play Lego saw or lego nightmare on elm street.

Lets just count this blog as a wasted post. Nothing really on my mind. Just feeling a tad more focused than usual. I never knew, how many people rely on me, until I stopped thinking of myself, but thats a thought for another post.

Cheers and Jeers free round of Beers!

The ideas just keep coming

So as always I have to start with the apology. Granted that I know an apology is no way to start anything but, I have to apologize for my lack of blogging. I always feel like the only person I hurt while I am not blogging is myself. I have to say that I have been quite busy though. I am writing articles that are appearing on someone Else's blogger. I am working on three screenplays and I feel like I haven't started one. It's a weird thing when you type your hands out and it feels like you haven't amounted to a single word on paper. I want to take this time to say that, in my professional opinion, I am bat shit crazy. I feel like I spend all my time thinking, plotting contemplating, and now it's really consuming me. It's one thing to escape the woes of the day, it's another when you have to escape your own thoughts.

With all that thinking, I came to a very shocking conclusion. I am not the only person relying on me. I took a tally of the people that truly are in need of my help. People I know, peoples lives who can be dramatically improved if I could just finally get my act together. You never really know how many people are relying on you, until you stop thinking about yourself. I want my act to be together so I decided to start from scratch. I am finally going to forgive myself for all the things that I cant seem to forget. I know I am not being very specific but it seems that I've generated a leadership of people that really shouldn't read my blog. Personal thoughts that could hurt those that were never meant to know them. I may have to resort to good old fashion pen and pad.

I love that fact that I can type tactile. It saves me so much time. I also get to rest my eyes ever so often. I could have really used this skill while I was still in school but I guess there is no time like the present to make stuff happen. Which is the concept I want to unify my thoughts. The importance of action. Carpe diem and all that other motivational speak that amounts to seizing the day and making things actually happen. I am starting to think about character a bit differently. It's no longer what people say it's what they do, and not just what they do but how they do it. Action is character and character is simply the sum total of all action. Even the random actions speak to character. I think that I am not to pleased with the sum total of all my actions, yet I also realize they are me. I did them and I would probably do them again because that is who I am. I act and at times I regret, I make the same mistakes expecting different outcomes because one variable has changed. The variable I'm speaking about is time, I tried this one time, and maybe this "time" it will be different. It's never any different, but I hope that it will be.

I also need to stop banking on the lottery. I am lucky enough to find random dollar bills to play the lottery over and over. I never win but something about the hope it brings me is almost necessary. I can see how people get sucked into being addicted to gambling. I don't get a thrill from playing, but I just cant help but feel that if I keep playing I just may win, and if I win everything will be different - better. I am going to use my blogger. I am going to one day sit down and chart a map of my life. Where I have been and where I am going.
As always I want to say that I love you. You nameless faceless reader that justify my actions. You give my words purpose and thus you give me purpose. I today am a writer. I embrace my destiny, I embrace my flaws, I accept my thoughts, I regret it all and yet want to change nothing. I want to go to jail and get out free. I write for the fame, I write for the gold, I write for the glory. A sucker for lust. A fool that should never fall in love. I am going to break hearts, and the bank and at the end of the day all I will have is you.

Stay with me, lets grow old together, or not we can create a timeless bond. We can be more than ourselves, reader and writer. Doesn't it sound just swell.

I think I am one degree of seperation away from the Devil.

I have been constantly complaining and moaning about the economy and my perpetual un-employedness. Ok so I am employed now, which in itself is a major accomplishment for the time. I will now take this moment to pat myself on the back. I am working in a call center and taking shareholder votes nothing to whistle Dixie about. The pay was great now its good. The whole being close to Satan thing comes along with what I have to do inadvertently while appearing to be unbiased. I work for one company who is being employed by another company. Lets call the company I work for Hades and the company that employs them the Inferno. Now Hades is looking out for the best interest of the Inferno because the Inferno pays them. Long story short Hades employs me to collect as many souls as I can possibly collect within a certain 9 hrs. I still see this as a fair days work for a fair days pay.

What brings me close to the devil is that the inferno inadvertently funds genocide in Darfur. Which they don't deny or oppose. There has been a step taken by some lone hero, to help bring an end to funding this genocide. Hades has to protect the inferno and I have to serve Hades. So now I have to give bullshit reasons why people should vote against instituting procedures to stop hades from investing in companies that substantially contribute to genocide and crimes against humanity.

When I look back on this. It will be one of my darker moments. Like If I don't have enough of those. Upside to this story, I am meeting new people and as I stated before that's just the bee's knees.

I also accepted that, I may have sold out just a little. I believe cubicle pencil neck is the term. I don't think, Seth McFarlene, Jay-Z, The Beatles, Linkin Park, Ralph Ellison, Goku, or Robin will mind very much. (My list of heroes)

Stay tuned guys and dolls Johnny Depp as Dillenger - Public Enemies. Bound to be a keeper lets see.

Return to the Scene, watch for me.

Check the scenes

New day. Finally found a steady job. This writer has a 9-5 may I have a round of applause please. Not sure what this post is going to lead to but I am assuming it's going to end up somewhere light then somewhere extremely serious. So for the light side of life I am finally done with another semester of school. I regret to inform the masses that I have not acquired my degree in English as of yet. Still about 2 semesters to grind out no matter what direction I take. I learned a few interesting things about life this year. An Oreo Frosty from Wendys should be added to one of the seven deadly sins. Oreos and icecream are so good only the devil could have possibly combined two amazing flavors into one taste sensation.

Moving on I recently watched a crazy video on monkeys that love alcohol. It is both funny and amazingly interesting

Moving on I recently cut off 2 or 3 really good friends. The story is long and convulated but it let me know that even relationships we think are rock solid can be shaken and destroyed. Word to the wise, first and foremost to thine own self be true. Thank you Billy Shakespeare. Have fun guys and dolls.

Meeting new people is the Bees Knees

So today I had an extended hangout with a few new people and a good old friend. I must say I forgot the joy of just being around someone different a new person with a fresh perspective and strange and wonderful ideas. Meeting people is just one of those joys in life that just dont seem to get old, upside is it re-invigorated my spark to socialize.

Downside is at this point in time socializing should be the least of my concerns I have way bigger fish to fry

I have to figure out a way to come up with $50000 for the NY film Academy.

I need to fish Pipe Dreams and My peice on Nuclear Proliferation

I still need steady income, event though rocky income is cutting it for now

I need to blog more often. I alienated my one reader. Dont forget about me Jax!

Until we cross paths again. To all a decent slumber.

Posting of an original work coming soon, no more filler actual good stuff yaay for me!

Tax season its warm outside thats a good enough reason

Well as always the Tax return is looking sweet, and I am again searching for my place in this big blue ball we call earth. I set my eyes on the brand new N97 and I think I am in total love with it, the beautiful type of love a man can have for an electronic device, the way nature intended. I also would like to announce that for the second time my mother has effectively broken my heart. If she isnt careful I am going to write her out of the will.

How many times can you let one person down within 21 or so years? The number will astound!

Goodnight for now
I am reading the Prologue to the Canterbury Tales for class, I admit its not my cup of tea but its not half bad. New image to add to the classic list of cool is of the Yeoman. Sword and dagger at his side, Quiver full of arrows on his back, Bow in hand, all packaged elegantly below a mysterious hood. Chaucer should have wrote comics.

Side note was reading one of my old Facebook notes and I felt it deserved a re post so here it is for whomever is left reading due to my inconsistent posting habits

I lost my grip on reality

Saturday, April 21, 2007 at 2:42pm
It's been a while since I wrote anything expressing my deep inner most thoughts. Scratch that for a writer its been a while since I wrote anything at all. I am slipping my ideas are not flowing as easily as They once did. I'm losing the one thing I actually put effort in to create. It scares me if I cant write. Its not like the fear of remaining alone or the fear of a bee sting, Its the type of fear that grips my heart and chills my soul. Its like the fear a child has for the dark, or how mice feel towards cats.Simply I'm not writing because I'm not reading and I'm not reading because life has taken what I once took for granted.I have lost the gift of time, I have been stripped of youth happiness and been burdened with responsibility. recently I felt alone, More alone than I ever did In life and I tried to write and couldn't even spell my name. Emotions both positive and negative have always been my muse, but that day all I could get down on paper was "me sad all alone no way out"After reading that repeatedly I realized I lost more than just a few dollars and free time, I lost one of the loves in my life, being able to write my thoughts as if I had no part in the process. Like if the paper thought them itself.That was a bad day for writing, a bad moment for writers, a tragedy for me.Thankfully I have been inspired. Alone in the world, Never in my mind

Its the Final Countdown

15 more classes and I have a Bachelors. You know what that means? Ill tell you 1 more year. I'm doing 18 credits right now. I'm going hard two more semesters 8 classes fall and 7 spring. Ill walk away after that. Ill be so complete. One degree down and one more to go. This is a test of my true worth, of my will of my metal and I mean to be victorious.

I am tired, I am broke, and I am having a break down in most of my communications, yet I cant help but feel the joy of approaching the end.

Whats your day like?
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