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Maybe I should start proofreading this thing

OMG I almost forgot

In all my thinking I got lost and forgot, Tis the season. I need to amp up my christmas vibes

Gay is the New Black

Odd I have to title this post gay is the new black, I read this one line on the front cover of a magazine and pass its bold statement I found meaning. I see that change is upon us I always thought that thing where cyclical, then I thought life was a serious of peaks and troughs but I have always been wrong. I know now events, time, positivity negativity change takes form on a spherical plane. It can move in any direction any coordinate is possible. I take joy that I can use my own two hands to break the monotony of life and really move into what I think is the future. Just when I figure all things are spherical I wake up and realize that things lie in dimensions and right now we are operating in the third.

All I know is that, I have time, too much time. I have resolve. I dream of something different something new and I keep coming back to the same conclusion be bold, be brave, be kind and have resolve.

Gay is the new black, because gay wanted to be the new black. Funny I want to be the new black. I have to keep it going.

P.S. Fallout Boy, thank you for making me happy, Patrick's few words made a big difference.


I met Fallout boy today. Patrick, Andy, Joe, and Pete. I was with my com padre Mr. Marshall and we just got lost in the experience. I mean I started babbling like a little school girl, I wish I knew what to say to fallout boy but I really didn't. Upside Patrick looked at my Robin shirt and said hey man cool shirt, and I said yeah man Robin thanks! That made me feel so big and warm, thank you Patrick Stump, you made me feel great.
I love FOB. I will always remember this, the next time I meet those guys, I will have established myself and they will know my name. This writing game of mine, I want it punched up to the next level!

Operation make a plan

I finally decided that of all the things I require from life, all the things that I dream of every second of every day, the one thing that I do need is stability. I have resolve. I desire to become the man I will myself to be everyday, I want to be the man that my grandmother, my mother and my sisters always knew I would become. So how? The first thing I have to do is make a plan, it was so obvious, I have to tie up all the pieces and make sure that all loose ends are taken care of. I know that this world is not a perfect place, in fact I feel like the world has cheated me out of so much, cheated me out of meals, toys, peace, good health, happiness and shelter. Not anymore. I have resolve. I can not be defeated. I will rise up and complete my destiny and save the world.

Watch me..........


I can sell, the spirit of the eternal hustler burns within me, good times only 15 dollars.

In other news I have a bestfriend that I cannot contact but smh he must be busy.

The job hunt is at a stand still. School is fluttering down the list of things that peak my interest.

I think this is early mid life crisis number 53241.

Blog tag your it

Money Woes

I feel a strain like never before. I need to get my game in gear. I am practically out of money. God why wont the money fairy drop some off. Where the hell is the money tree for me to shake. Finding work has been no simple task. Thankfully I did a focus group for flavored rum the other day paid me 90 bucks for my two hours of jabber, but really I need something stable something lucrative and no, I dont want to be a whore!

BARACK OBAMA.....Hope for the future no HE IS THE FUTURE

I watched as President Obama owned the presidential election with a massive spectacular stupendous 290 electoral votes. The day began with my vote. I waited close to 2hrs on a line that curved at least 3 corners of a Brooklyn block and ended in my celebration for the man who changed the world. He has done so much and he has only just begun. So many things are possible now for everyone Black, White, Latino, Asian or whatever. This is the beginning of a renewal. I have seen a curve in progress, I have seen so many historic things come to pass within my and my parents lifetime. We need to unify! Now still, parts of me cant fucking believe it, I had hope but they were hopes weighted in fear and doubt. I pulled my lever not in confidence, but in desperation in thoughts that my vote was not one of many but maybe of a fighting few.

The tomorrow we prayed for, as black Americans is not here. The tomorrow that was once just a dream in one great Kings eyes, are now in the hands of a different King. Barack I thank you, I thank you for providing inspiration, I thank you for opening so many doors; that the house has been torn down,I thank you for the promise of change, I thank you for making history, I appreciate your vigil; through the death threats, through adversity, through doubt, and for elegantly persevering through hundreds of years of system created on the backs and blood of people who have been trapped in a crucifixion with no promise of our Easter Sunday, I thank you.

I will never forget this date, It is not a moment lost in time. I feel that this date is alive. I feel a weight has been lifted of the heads of the living and the dead. I feel an America that is truly free. This date will live, You can not kill the immortal which I now recognize to be greatness.

I am proud, We are proud, He said Yes we can! and YES WE DID!

Side note CNN technology is fucking off the chain, Holograms Will I am big ass touch screen computers and the most accurate polls I ever saw. CNN good fucking job man!

Shocking Developments

How can I say goodbye to what we had, I dont think I can. Developments taking place that are just shocking. News damn it bad news


Nobody likes it, nobody wants it, yes thats right its filler. Useless wasteful post that goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing. I need to get an event going or have some spectacular sex so I can blog. Damn it no news is boring news

As we lay

Whoa, its morning
And we slept the night away
It happened
Now we cant turn back the hands of time, no, no
Yes we've stolen this moment
We forgot to face one simple fact
We both belong to someone else
As we slept the night away
Its morning
Sunlight shines across your sleeping face, oh
A new day
Brings reality and we both go our separate ways
What a lovely night we had yeah, yeah
As we shared each others love
We forgot about all the pain we caused
As we slept the night away
As we lay
We forgot about tomorrow
As we lay
Ooh hey, hey
As we lay
Didnt think about
The price wed have to pay
No, no, no

Shirley Murdock As we lay, Has me in the mood to just lay someone down and cut all ti fucking crap out. I just really wish I could have something slow passionate, I really want to make love. Just in a way I know it can be appreciated. Where its not the action its the connection, you don't have any doubt any fair any rhyme or reason its the next level of sex. Doesn't it sound spectacular for real.

Thats my late night rant

You Could Have Whatever You Like

I spent an obscene amount of time caught in awkward day dream. I keep falling into the same repetitive cycle of progress followed by stagnance. I think I finally reached the upward swing cycle again, or atleast the door to the upward swing . All in all I only wish that I could be satisfied with the life I may inevitably lead. I see a blue collar future leading towards a white collar upswing, eventually achieveing middle class wealth, dying and giving my children a slightly better start than what I had. I hate this vision, its almost like a curse being whispered gently into my ears while I am forced to listen to it over and over every minute of everyday. I as selfish as it sounds, realized a long time ago that I dont want to live comfortably; I want to live lavishly.

I also came to acknowledge in the scheme of things when it comes down to the age at which wealth is created I am relatively old. There seems to be a fleet of 21 and below movers and shakers who are already established, and are now in the retension phase of wealth. I am still working on innovation, penetration and diversification.

The list of people I owe a better life due to the acts of boundless kindness they have shown me is surprisingly long, so long it crosses international waters onto atleast three continents. I want to be able to look someone in the eyes and honestly say dont worry you can have whatever you like!

Which brings me to my next point T.I. has been spinning on my MP3 player on repeat for about a week, and its still getting me fired up. I got to hand it to the man when you got it, you got it.

Coming around full circle I had a few wild weekends of drinking and partying which so reminded me of the old days when my main focus was creating a legend for myself, which I did, in several different towns and atleast two states. I had the scene on lock, and then, go figure sometime along the way my priorities simply took a shift. Damn shifting priorites! Im still wondering why they didnt shift to something even more fun than being hedonistic.

Just to come back full circle, I am not the only one working on making this lavish lifestyle a reality, I have several friends and aquintances who are driven, who are hungry and who know boundless struggles all perfect reasons to want to succeed, all perfect catalyst to success. The issue with me was never when the come up was going to happen its always been how soon till then. Everything in between me and that final destination point just seems like Im being still. I have to keep my eye on the prize and stay on that perpetual grind. So with my re-return to the blogging world after about a 2 week break I leave these final words. Grind on and grind hard, really bend life over and fuck the shit out of it till you are the only one satisfied and life just feels like a dirty used peice of meat. Thats the way I want to get it in!


I opened up and was left naked and vulnerable. I just cant ehlp the feeling that I am now exposed to the world for a cruel un-usual twist. In other news the up-coming weekend is bound to be fun, parties and video games seem to be abundant in the near future

Attraction and Trust

Attraction like trust can not be created or destroyed merely transformed into a different state of being. All the trust and attraction that will ever exist has already existed, and thus is eternal. If the concept of time remains as constant as is, and everything both abstract and physical is eternal, that means life is not destroyed merely transformed to what we know as death which too can be transformed with the application of temperature, pressure, and or energy. Or maybe what we believed to be true is wrong, things can be created or destroyed. Maybe we aren't as smart as we think

Feeding the soul

So this has to be like the 5th or 6th day I havent had a full meal to eat. I have had like a half pack of ritz in the morning and the rest of the pack at night and I been going strong just with that. I really do not want to eat the food offered to me here, because this food is not un-conditional, There isnt enough for me here anyway, so although I love my mom to death, I just cant eat here point blank. You really cant gripe about being a non contributor if I don't consume resources. Pride has set me down a long difficult road, that has made me so strong. With my new found strength I am as close to being absolutely sure as I can be that no finiancial set back can approach me that I wont be able to face, weather and overcome.

Waiting for my Catalyna Wine Mixer to come this way. Haven't you heard that Bird is the word. When I look back I'm not going to remember any of those oh so funny lines.

Writing is it's own reward.

SO I started writing articles for a gaming website and they started to pay me. YAAAAY! I couldnt believe what was going on, like somewhere out there people actually care what my opinions are. Naturally I wrote a bunch of articles and I will continue to write articles because this makes me happy. I will continue my blogging here on the regular for two important reasons,

1 This was my return to blogging
2 I like to blog, it makes me happy.

Oh Dave Chappelle on inside the actors studio was one of the greatest things my eyes and ears had the pleasure of experiencing.

All in all pretty lame day lol. Played lots of games, tomorrow the job hunt resumes after the screen writer meet!

Things Fall apart, but then they fall back together somehow

I cant believe I can finally report something positive, I trained my younger sister in the art of interview and the fruits of my efforts came back to me. First interview first job. I can not believe how well this worked. I need to find myself a job now, which is the real challenge. I am content, I am writing, I am gaming, I am learning, why not feel good. Now it has come to my attention that I still have no readers, but I hope if trend continues things will change, and I will have sweet sweet readers the other half of the reading equation. I think I might break into free verse poetry

I have experienced the darkest of days, I looked the struggle in the eyes and it wept.
To defeat the god of slow stoic death, how?
I train, My will, I fall prey to my needs and neglect my wants.
If there was a time when I doubted the dawn it was now.
Etch your soul on the winds.
Carry your words into eternity.

Yeah my poetry sucks but I am so happy I had a mediocre day. they are so few and far in between almost makes me hopeful that good days are to come.

Edit: The Bailout is in motion. And Palin is getting dusted in this debate.

Progress is the bee's knees

Well I started this blog to get me writing. I got writing again and then I started another blog, I started my second blog and then I started a story, I am thinking of ways to adapt my story to script form. I love the feeling of progress, it gives life purpose. I remember being stoic for at least a year in total. Nothing in the world was more depressing, more disturbing, more disgusting then wallowing in self pity for a year.

Now focus in for me, I have had long periods of time pass me, that were down right enjoyable. I have spent most my life in blissful nothingness, but this time the nothing was different. It was consuming it overpowered me. Now tell me what sets one set of stagnant aside from another? The possibility of progress. My life froze in nothing and because of that depression set in. Now when your training learning working or just verbing or have the potential to do something, in the future, nothing loses its power.

Its easy to get lost in immobility. Progress is the cure all. Because progress fosters hope.

Random rant : Little known fact, Males can get yeast infections too? Oh and moonshine is so easy to make, this is courtesy of the learning channel.

In the wake of the Econoclypse the world turns

Lets see no bailout, no bills on the table, and depression looms at me. This is actually happening in my lifetime. Like I said before it's time for the emergency convention of poor Americans afraid of depression. I have mixed feelings about what seems to be our new reality. Every day businesses I once new to be stable and stern are collapsing before my eyes. I watched my bank Wamu go under, then Wachovia went under. I watched Lehman Brothers cry Bankruptcy all within what seems like the span of a month. I want to point fingers and blame someone for our failing economy but I realize that the finger would make many rounds before each and every person responsible has been pointed out.

I seen many changes in this short life I have lived, and though it will undoubtedly be hard to survive through depression, I learned that through the darkness light is born. The destruction of old money, the changing of the guard, the pantheon is finally rotating its seats and it will bring opportunity. We will usher in a new era, new business, new giants, and when the flames of change have passed the new gods will rise.

Interesting observation watch the price of Kool Aid. The cheapest most affordable drink on the market went from being about 6 packets for a dollar, to 1 packet for a quarter, to 75 cents for 3. Kool Aide went up, Its an economic indicator believe me, that and the fact that the stock market fell 777.68 points a suicidally staggeringly high number.

Whats next, what will I do. I am going to entertain. I will keep writing, I will keep aging and stay hungry in my attempts to claim a seat on the new worlds seats of economic power. I will pray on this recession like its my one shot to greatness because it very well may be.

In my life I have had to deal with some mighty bullshit, I will leave it at that, just remember if you can not feel safe in your own home where can you feel safe. Moving on copious amounts of sex can hurt you do not attempt, extremely rough sex without consulting a physician. Hmmmmmm I love blogging, maybe one day. Someone somewhere will read my writing and find some kind of value in my opinion, till that magical day I guess I write for myself.

Miracle at St. Anna got cheated, It was a good movie I don't understand why it performed so poorly. I am tempted to play that race card but I think Ill allow someone else to call it first. Don't worry Spike, someone will recognize you soon, it would be nice if they did it before you died too.

Closing words, hmmmmm, hard times ahead but then again, we assume from the beginning that the times were going to be hard. If we look to the past for just a bit of guidance we will realize that time has prepared us to weather the storm. If there is one thing you can rest assured of it's that in the wake of the econoclypse whether you are reduced to fight or flight, the world shall turn.

same song, got that, been around the block

Old dogs are up to old tricks, it would take a fool to fall for them twice. You got me once but now, now your going to get caught in my web, Im going to spin my silky truth carefully and hopefully the acidic salavia of life claims you long before you reach the bowels.

Good luck in fighting this battle you sure cant win.

hmmmmm hmmmm sensory images

So I made it. The bright lights the glits and the glam of 42nd st was finally mine. I never felt like I made it to the pinnacle of success until today. Stage lights blaring down on me, careful attention on my oration, music blaring in the background, and then after all the tension I did it. I was a star and its all thanks to a small miracle on 42nd st. Well its really thanks to the theater style McDonald's on 42nd. I love that McDonald's it makes the common man into a star.

Well moving on before my star treatment I attended a Gotham Writer Workshop and realized that though it was informative it was designed to sell me a larger classroom package which may not be the worst of the worst in theory, but for a young hopeful aspiring writer seeking a free no strings attached workshop to hone my craft it was not what I wanted to hear. I did learn one thing I dint know though, and I am willing to share. In very short fiction or flash fiction, the use of sensory images can make the setting for you. Instead of having to describe the 5 table dinner with a large black man sipping coffee and trying to flirt with a waitress while you wait for your eggs bacon and coffee, try I sat down in my usual box seat, the same old pristine waitress bought me my runny eggs crisp fatty bacon and tar black coffee the same meal everyone in this joint ate in the morning, small joint but big breakfast I cant operate without it. I realized that appealing to the senses helps a reader to understand because its these 5 senses that links most of us to this physical world.

After my one trick pony writing class although I did receive a few interesting exercises and realized the effectiveness of a sensory image, I head for the warm safe grip of the New York city subway system. It's the 42nd st station so I am only greeted with the smell of poverty and the homeless and not the usual mixture of poverty, urine, perversion, and depression. I delved deeper into the bowels of the hottest worst track at 42nd, the 2 train, I think its one level literally away from hell. Once I got to the 2 track I saw it. This thing this confusing act that made me question my self and probably would make you question yourself too. Walking toward me as usual my hat was tilted down so I could avoid necessary eye contact and protect my soul from the local succubi. Walking toward me was the longest smoothest pair of legs I ever saw beneath a mini skirt as my hat raised wear the biggest perkiest pair of breast and she was in the process of rubbing her left breast and letting out a slight moan, public display of sexual appetite super kawaii. and I looked past those big beautiful perky breast into the eyes of my temptress, she was like the oldest hottest 80yr old I ever saw her head did not match the body at all it was so gross. I was convinced that she was a retired prostitute looking for one more trick.

For one brief shinning moment, She turned me on and for the rest of the night I was utterly turned off, but when i remember her total package I am overall turned on. I am not sure whether to be disgusted in myself or what. All I know is I cant be the only one this happened to. What can I say she was a near perfect sensory image perfect bouncy breast long legs with a powerful stride. Ass I could balance a mug on, and a face like a jackal.

Till next time

Anger only Breeds anger

I have been losing my temper very often as of late. Once my emotions were like a well controlled dam, I would release a bit at a time when the situation called, but now I cant seem to hold back the flood. Upside I had spectacular sex as a result of being so mad, granted at first I was so wound up I couldn't keep focus and the two things you never want to happen happened, I released too early and I had to take a really hot piss. After that though once my heart was put back into a calm place. All engines were go.

Moving on from my state of emotion, god forbid I rant on about my emotions in a blog :-p. I was making my usual Youtube rounds of things that I must see and I was just about to type in Fox news racism when I had a change of heart. I did a youtube style search for Dave Chappelle. That my friends is when I found it. Dave Chappelle on Inside the actors studio. It was an emotional, funny, raw type of experience. It was the type of episode that inspires me to get on my metaphysical grind and put the pen to the pad.

I came up with 4 story ideas and I started writing two. The Gotham writers workshop is a go and I am starting to wonder why am I in college. I wish I had a dirty box studio apartment sharing with a roomie working out a Denny's. I want to be a real writer, not this shell of a man. With everyday that passes I feel my soul getting closer to death, and it aint going to heaven o no, its going to the other place.

I wonder if Satan has a wireless LAN connection, eternal flames aren't so bad if I can create hope with my writing. Note to self, if you go to hell remember to take hope, Its the one thing hell doesn't have, and wont allow.

If life was a cereal the last thing it would be is LIFE

I learned something new today which is exciting for me, theoretically it should not be because I am in college and therefore should be pre disposed to learn, sadly thats not the case. I only have to be a parrot for my professors. Anywho moving right along, I visited the campus located about a mile away from my little college community, and I learned that the grass is greener for the simple fact that they have grass. I wish I could be typing that my college is on par with any other school you can name but sadly we are lacking in every way except one, we do have heart. If this was a movie, we would strive defeat the odds and come out on top, this is not the case though. I walk away with the knowledge that satisfaction for mediocrity will breed more mediocrity. I will apply this to life.

The moon has been un bareably bright and beautiful this past cycle. It literally kept me up with its soothing blue glow that completely illuminated my dark little studio apartment. I am starting to also realize that my sin of choice (LUST) will lead me to a world of hurt. Even if the one who I lust after is nowhere near me.

God the moon has such a beautiful hue. Chase those dreams, down to the very last.

I finally picked it back up

I have been dead to the blogging world for at least five years now. I have been strutting around as a self proclaimed screenwriter that was totally petrified to write. I stress over the fact that my grammar is lacking, that my spelling is not the best. I stressed over the technical that I forgot to feed the soul of writing. Cardinal rule to be a writer you have to write. So I'm back and not better than ever. Welcome to my world part two, when I gave up my xanga I thought that was it but I'm back. Xanga was for children. This is an adult blog for my adult life.

Oh interesting side not I like to talk about tons of bullshit that rarely have relevance. Today I was watching travel channel, it was doing the usual national geographic style like at amazon and African tribes. I learned several things from this. The first is that tribal boobs are timeless, they remain hot no matter how many times I see them, no matter how old I get, no matter how much I try to disconnect myself from my penis, tribal boobs always seem to win. Second is that my conceptions on African tribes is certainly not the truth. all those damn feed the children commercials led me to believe ("stupid me") that Africa has a food crisis. This is not so. I saw some fat naked tribal babies eating monkey. Third the tribal males also love boobs and they were going on about how delicious the monkey stew they made taste. I freaking want some monkey stew. People are freaking enjoying delicious monkey meat and here I am limited to chicken and beef like a sucker. Clearly monkey is far more delectable

Rant almost over but beware world, Joshen lives and, he has a pen a pad and a laptop. I will be heard, I will spew knowledge and ignorance based on my mood, finally I will be the very best I can be and you can watch me grow or not, its really up to you. Sit down and enjoy some monkey stew
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